Monday, December 23, 2013

Easy Holiday Recipe!

It's Monday! Except it's Christmas week and that means I have no idea what day it is except to call my mom and repeatedly ask which family members I'm having dinner with tonight. Then I remember which friends I'm meeting for brunch. The friend stuff is over course great, and the family stuff is actually wonderful but comes with a certain amount of drama because OF COURSE IT DOES, IT'S THE HOLIDAY SEASON. I would be bored with a quiet family, though. 

Anyway, in the spirit of my ex-boyfriend, I doubt I'll have much time for you guys this week. Next week we can get back to talking about me striking out at bars and how the words "spinster" and "old maid" were spoken at a family dinner last night. For now, I copped out and here's an easy holiday recipe! You may be alone, but you made treats, dammit. (YES I know the sound is weird--I was on my laptop.) This will not be a regular occurrence, so sorry about my face. 

...Ok so I had to upload it to youtube. THIS IS ALL GOING VERY WELL I bet you're glad you clicked over here today. If you're still with me you can check out my adventures making peppermint bark for Christmas. 

If you want to make peppermint bark, this is a close approximation of how I do it: 

Bitter Amanda's Peppermint Bark

Crush candy canes with a hammer. If you're using regular size, try about 9. However, these are a pain in the ass to unwrap, so I use about 3 dozen mini candy canes. Crush them until you start to feel better about your future as a cat lady.

Melt 20 oz dark chocolate. The amount, like the number of candy canes, is negotiable. Just melt some dark chocolate. Use the microwave or a double boiler so you don't screw it up like your past relationships. Google double boiler if that part is foreign to you. Add some peppermint extract to really impress your friends. 

Line a large cookie sheet with wax paper or parchment paper. 

Put the chocolate on the pan and refrigerate until it's hard. This takes about 20 minutes, or just long enough that you forgot you were making something. The wait goes faster if you facebook stalk your ex and try to decide which girl in that picture he's sleeping with now. 

Melt the same amount of white chocolate that you used for the dark chocolate layer. 

Mix in candy cane pieces and pour onto dark chocolate layer (Make sure the first layer is chilled well and work quickly or it’ll melt and it will not look as pretty. It will still, however, be delicious. Looks aren't everything.)


When solid, remove and break into pieces until it resembles your heart. This is best kept in the fridge until you're going to share it and/or eat your feelings. 

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