Thursday, August 20, 2009

Not so much.

At the bar recently I noticed that the Twin's ex was standing near my table, patently ignoring me. I'm not his biggest fan. (Let's call him's a long story.) For close to an hour he and his group stood right next to my table. Really? Find a new place to stand. It's a big bar and this is stupid.
The break-up itself was fairly brutal in my eyes: it came out of nowhere following a long-term relationship. It came with a parting gift. It was bad. It was a couple years ago, and this was the first time I'd seen him since.
I occasionally occupied myself discussing his facial hair with a friend. (You know that episode of Family Guy where Peter grows a beard for birds to live in? Yeah.) And suddenly he turns around and looks at me. "Hey," with a wave. I put my hand up in acknowledgement, stunned at his gall. I was quite relieved that Twin wasn't out with us that particular night.
We were good friends in high school, before The Relationship. I think we were friends before Twin knew him. But as The Relationship developed, PegLeg was not a good friend. He was rude. I grew to loathe him.
(The rest of my night was fantastic, the kind of night you have to recap the next day. Going out was a Good Life Choice.)
And then, he was heading for the door. Walking past us, he spoke again. "Hey." And at this point, I can't believe any of this is happening. How are you so completely lacking the social skills to know that this is a POOR Life Choice? What part of your brain is telling you to proceed here? There is no reason for us to go through these motions. I have no need for you in my life and I am not going to pretend I care. We don't have to like each other! In fact, the statute of limitations on Scorning One's Twin is forever.
Unfortunately, that was all in my head and my friend didn't hear any of it. This friend, far too jovial to be concerned with awkward encounters, responded. PegLeg turned around to try again. Allow me to transcribe our conversation, hm?
PegLeg: "Hey."
Bitter Amanda: *glares*
PL: "....Bye....."
BA: "Bye."
PL: "....That's all I've got."
BA: "Yeah."

Did I mention that he recently broke up with another girl, a dear friend of mine? Yeah. That happened. He's a gem. And I really have nothing to say to someone like that.

Monday, August 17, 2009


That is MESSED UP. My favorite part is the comment from PETA's senior campaigner. "Vegetarians look and feel better than meat eaters." Riiiiight...because PETA interviewed at least a reasonably sized population sample about how they feel? And noticed a correlation between happiness and a vegetarian diet? OH NO WAIT. That's probably not what went down at PETA. (Don't get me started on vegetarians looking better. I guess they look better from up there on PETA's soapbox? Because where I stand, I can't tell the difference.)

Guys, I love animals. But animals don't read billboards and support causes. People do. You know, the ones who volunteer and work for you, PETA? Is it wise to continue the way you're running business?

Excuse me, but I have to go eat meat now so I can continue to look and feel like shit. Later!

Sunday, August 16, 2009

I guess it's time to hide in the library?

Today was supposed to be a lazy Sunday. I was all set to be pajama-clad in front of some movies. But the phone rang, and a darling friend of mine invited me out. He was joining a bunch of friends at the park for some outdoor fun and games.
I assured him that I was all about working on my tan and being in the water (which was promised!) so off we went! Once assembled at the park (where there was in fact NO LAKE) we started our afternoon with some volleyball. I tried to get out of it, citing my tan as a reason to not play. But my friend...oh, he would hear nothing of it!

I am not good at sports. I have pretty much zero athletic ability. I've tried! I haven't quite found the sport I'm good at yet. (And that's ok because I'm only 25? Hmm.)

I did my best with volleyball, though! I mean, we were playing for real (everyone took a turn serving! are we being graded here??) so it was a little daunting. I hit the ball a couple times, even! Check me out.
Post-volleyball, we were discussing capture the flag and waiting for the rest of our party. Apparently we decided to pick teams? So two captains were chosen, including my darling friend. (Keep this in mind for later!) I was like, "Oh, why are we PICKING??? I'm having middle school gym flashbacks!!" We then proceeded to joke around about me being picked last, and how I should just do a quick calculation about who would be last and join the team right away. We joked around about how a few kids were coming so having a 9 year old there would balance out my (mad) skills.

Cut to us picking teams. I'm sitting RIGHT NEXT to my previously mentioned friend as he captains it up. And they're building teams, going around the group. I'm sitting quietly, waiting my turn. I'm silently thinking that he can't possibly be picking me last, because we just talked about that! Is he serious?

Other captain: "And then I'll have the 9 year old. So we're good?"

..."Guys, did you forget Amanda?"

YEAH, THEY FORGOT ABOUT ME. I didn't even get picked LAST! I just didn't get picked at all. Is that better or worse? Thanks, friend. **

Don't worry, it's just self-esteem. It'll grow back.

**I still love you. It's cool. Today was a really good day, and you redeemed yourself during zombie tag.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Movie, book, television.

1. MOVIE: We went and saw The Goods tonight. (This afternoon, I received a text from a friend saying "Do you want to see the goods tonight?" He's lucky I knew it was the title of a movie.) I was skeptical, but decided to tag along anyway. And the movie was pretty much what I expected...fairly entertaining, a few funny bits, and kind of stupid. No more and no less. Oh and Jeremy Piven is, I'm unashamed to say, looking really good in this one. Is that weird? Because seriously, he's looking better than I had previously remembered.

2. BOOK: I just finished reading Commencement, by J. Courtney Sullivan. She is a fellow Smithie, and her book is about four women during their time at Smith College and the few years following. Since its release, I've been getting tons of phone calls from my college friends. And now I totally get it. It brings on waves of nostalgia, to see in print the places and things that I hold so dear to my heart. So now, despite it being a cliche, I suppose now is the time to add a Commencement quote to my facebook page.

3. TELEVISION: Glee returns to Fox on 9.9.09. Who is excited?? (Besides this girl, of course.)

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

It's just science.

Let's talk about this video for a second, ok? It's the newest thing to be passed around among my friends. It has appeared in my inbox several times, so clearly I need to discuss it publicly.

It is ridiculous. I cannot believe that this exists. I can only imagine the road that led to this commercial showing up in my email. Some guy (CLEARLY this came from a male mind) was bummed about not getting enough action from his lady. "Hmm," he thought to himself, "how can I convince her of this?....."
And then a little cartoon lightbulb appeared over his head, illuminating his pathetic idea. "I will incorporate science! I will appeal to her feminine vanity and poke at her already fragile self-esteem, weak from years of beauty magazines and Victoria's Secret models!"
Feeling deprived, he threw himself into research, trying to tackle this issue. Using the idea that "scientists say THIS PARTICULAR MOTION WHICH DOES NOT AT ALL RESEMBLE SOMETHING A WOMAN MIGHT DO TO PLEASE A MAN is good for you! Builds muscle! It's better than going to the gym!" he sold the idea. He put on his suit and presented it to a room full of more suits and convinced them of its merit. And then it was manufactured and put on television.
It's almost poetic, if you frame it with The American Dream. We live in a place where a man** can invent this ridiculous product and suddenly it's being sold on the internet. Pathetic, of course, but a little poetic at the same time.

**purely speculation on the part of Bitter Amanda, of course