Countdown to 30

I'm turning 30. 

As in, my birthday is this month and I'm turning 30. I think it'll be great. I've been thinking about it a lot, and as long as the grey hairs cool it for the next few weeks, I'm optimistic. (Yeah, I find them every once in a while and have a mild panic. Did I ever tell you guys that I found my first grey hair on the morning that The Astronaut told me he needed space? It was quite a morning. And then the next weekend I went to my ex-boyfriend's wedding. Really I guess what I'm saying is how could turning 30 be WORSE than all that?)

I've been running across a lot of lists of things you should do in your 20s or stuff you should know or things you can only do in your 20s. I'm happy to call this bullshit, but then on those occasions that I find a grey hair and see my youth slipping away from me, I take a look--just to make sure I've got my bases covered. And you know what I've learned? 

It IS total bullshit. All the stuff on these lists covers one of three areas: 
1. Stuff I've already done. Hooray! Crossing items off the 20s bucket list as ordained by Cosmo and Thought Catalog! And that's good because at 29, I'm already too old for a lot of this stuff.
2. Stuff I wouldn't want to do ever. "Wear neon crop tops to music festivals." That's rather specific. I'm hoping this is more about "Now is the time in your life to wear crazy things!" and not just neon crop tops, because even in my early 20s, and really at all points in my life, no one wants to see this girl in a neon crop top. Including this girl. 
3. Stuff I have no intention of cutting out of my life once I turn 30. Take a lot of instagram photos? Keep a journal? Go on a roadtrip with your friends? Why exactly would I stop doing those things? There's nothing wrong with those things. I LIKE those things. I mean, Cosmo says I should date or hook up with someone "ridiculously hot" in my 20s. Not to brag, but I HAVE, and also would totally do it again if given the opportunity. I'm not sure why I can't do that later in life, Cosmo. Are you suggesting that I can't have a string of ridiculously hot boyfriends once I turn 30? Or that I can't marry someone ridiculously hot? Are you saying attractive people aren't the marrying kind? And that SURELY I'll be getting married by my 30s so I'll have to give up hooking up with crazy hot guys? What are you really saying, Cosmo?

You know what? It's probably better that I continue to ignore these lists. They may or may not be causing early onset Old Lady Rants. Bring it on, 30. 

Birthday Countdown...

Four months. 

In just over four months, I'll be turning 30. And I'm definitely comfortable with that. I'm getting really tired of the idea that 30 is considered old. It doesn't seem old to me. My 20s have been pretty amazing...or at least, most of them were. I'm ending them on a bit of a low note, but that's not important! The important part is that my 20s have been outstanding, and I'm excited to see what my 30s will bring. (Besides wedding invitations and baby showers. EVERYONE IS GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING BABIES, in case you hadn't picked up on that in previous blog posts.) 

And while I view 30 as exciting, I'm not quite ready to say goodbye to my 20s. During the next four months, I'm hoping to get at least some parts of my life back on track. (A desperately needed change.) However, I also think I owe it to my 20s to throw them a great farewell party. Make sure they know how important they are to me, and appreciate all the adventures they afforded me. 

So I'm brainstorming--and I need your help. What are the things that people should do/see/try/learn in their 20s? Leave me a suggestion in the comments below or on facebook, twitter, or email. 

Who's the Fairest of Them All?

I'm turning 30 this year. I accept this and it's fine--really. The only obstacle I had to overcome was accepting that the reality of 30 will not look anything like I once imagined it to be. Other than that, I'm excited for my 30s. I think they'll be great--I mean, my 20s were a huge improvement over my teens, and particularly the end of my 20s has been...underwhelming. So 30s, I'm coming for you. 

For a couple years now, my close friends have been Dealing with Thirty. I can't tell you how many of them have talked about turning 30 as when you become old. But you know what? I'm contesting that. By calling 30 old, we're doing ourselves a huge disservice. Thirty is not old. Seriously. I've come up with an analogy I'd like to share with you. I'm calling it the Mirror, Mirror Effect. 

In our youth--our teens and 20s--we're Snow White. 

We're innocent and fresh-faced and look at all those chipmunks we befriend. Pure of heart and all that bullshit. All kinds of dudes lining up for you. (But really they're going to use you and let you cook them dinner and clean up after them. Yes, men in your 20s, I'm calling you the Seven Dwarfs.) 

And then our thirtieth birthday looms ahead and we panic. We're taught that our youth is fading and the end of the world is approaching. We feel like the old hag is handing us a poisoned apple--but instead of an apple, she's handing us her haggard face and warty nose. Everything sucks, right? 

Farewell, youth and beauty! 

I'm calling bullshit. This is a gross exaggeration, and it's totally overlooking a very important phase in our lives! Yes, one day we'll be Old and we'll start wearing ill-fitting gowns and we'll worry less about eyeliner because who cares and we'll be miserable old witches who poison our young, lovely neighbors out of jealousy and spite. Sure, that will happen. 

BUT NOT YET. Before that, we have what I'm willing to bet is the best phase of our lives. 

Evil Queen. 

Yes. Look at her. She is flawless. Her eyebrow game is strong. She is rocking that red lipstick. She's a powerful woman and she knows it. She gives no fucks. She can't be bothered. She doesn't apologize for anything she does--she goes after what she wants and she knows how to get it done. You think she'd cook dinner for those dwarfs and let them get away with their behavior? Hell no. Those dwarfs would be cooking her dinner. Because she's a bitch--and bitches get stuff done. She doesn't care what you think...it's the hallmark of a good villain. She's in some pretty great company, too. 

Look at them. You think they call themselves old? No. They call themselves fabulous. (I'm not sure what this image was meant to do, so Jafar's presence is a little baffling to me? Whatever. He doesn't give a fuck either.) 

We're looking at 30 years of doing what we want, the way we want. We're not in Hagsville yet. Just as long as we don't let hubris or long-winded monologues drag us down--because come on, we all know how that ends. 

Who's the fairest of them all? Doesn't matter. I know it's me.