Not into texting? Not acceptable.

So there's this guy from my past and things between us were brief, really casual, and undefined. You know, my favorite kind of relationship. I ran into him recently and he was all, "Call me sometime." I didn't really have any reason not to, so I did. (Well, I texted.) What the hell, right? (Regular readers can probably guess that the scenario was more complicated than this--it always is--but you get the idea.) 

Oh you guys, it was bad. Bad. The whole conversation fell so flat I couldn't believe it. I mean, here's this cute (NOT RELEVANT) guy I've flirted with many times in the past, telling me to get in touch...it should have been better. I mean...he TOLD ME TO GET IN TOUCH. He started that ball rolling again. And I'll admit that maybe it wasn't my A game flirting, but like...I put in some effort. I tried. I'm not even sure this guy realized there was a game going on. 

My sister witnessed the steady decline of our conversation during lunch and uttered a sentence that brought back a flood of memories. "Maybe he's not into texting." 

NO. No no no. This was a sentence I heard, said, thought, and wrote in my diary throughout high school. And college, let's be real. Texting wasn't that common and was honestly sort of a novelty. I got my first cell phone when I graduated high school--and I was far from the last of my friends to get one. "Not into texting" was an excuse we also used while IMing. We were constantly advising each other to see how he acted in person before judging him--because maybe he's not into typing out his feelings, ok? And ok, so it was new and we were all trying to figure out how relevant it was to text or IM or anything other than a face to face conversation. Maybe it was a valid excuse back then. 

But this is 2014! EVERYONE has a cell phone. Your ten year old cousin can troubleshoot your iPhone issues at Thanksgiving dinner for crying out loud. If you're reading this blog, there's a digital component in all your relationships. It's how we meet each other, select the right person for us, get to know each other, stalk each other, communicate with each other, and if you're my ex it's how we break up with each other. Relationships all rely on technology in some way. 

So I am sorry, but "not into texting"? Is no longer a valid excuse. It's 2014. There is no way it's acceptable to have a weak digital game. It's fine to be better in person (I am) but if you're trying to meet someone, you better be able to flirt using a keyboard. It's fine to prefer face to face conversations, or even phone calls although I haven't met a guy like that in a minute. The thing is...you have to hold someone's interest long enough to get to that point. If you're meeting online or you're a setup or however else people meet...you're probably going to have to type a conversation at some point. It's just how things are done. 

So if you can't hold your own via text...it's time to step up your game. Because otherwise I'm going to sit there wondering why the hell you asked me to get in touch.

I'm annoyed by technology.

Eight. 

I can count eight apps on my phone, off the top of my head, that allow me to send messages to someone. I'm not even including--

NINE I forgot Words with Friends has a chat feature

--the actual texting and calling features of a phone. Nine things that will put a notification in front of you if I want to get in touch. Nine beeps, buzzes, and tones. No matter where you are or what time it is, I can get a message to you if it's needed. And since you can take your phone pretty much anywhere, there's really very little to excuse not getting in touch these days. As far as phones being forbidden...it's like..airplanes, prisons, and jury duty, right? Oh, and the summer camps I do.
As smart phones soared in popularity and became the ubiquitous accessory they are now, I slowly steeled myself to the idea that people were probably tweeting and pooping at the same time, at least some of the time. 

We're not talking about pooping while texting today, though. My point with this is that really, what are valid excuses for not getting in touch with someone? When people say their boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever isn't getting back to them, I have some questions. Is this person a surgeon? Are they on call at the hospital and had to deliver a baby? Does this person work for a government agency? I'm told some of those places don't allow employees to keep phones on them. Is this person flying to Australia and in the air for days on end? Did this person swear off technology and embrace a simpler life? Are they an astronaut on the International Space Station? 

No? Well then you should be hearing back within a couple days. There's no excuse for radio silence, especially in the dating arena. 


(I promise I don't tweet in the bathroom, guys. I wouldn't do that to you.)