Sunday, January 30, 2011

Really Terrible Choices.

During recent research for a blog post, I found myself with the usual Google dilemma--lots of sites with all the keywords I was looking for, but in an order that was the opposite of what I wanted. As I scrolled through search results, I noticed a disturbing trend.

So naturally I need to tell you all about it.

There are a ridiculous amount of articles and websites encouraging, stressing the importance of, and advising people on getting back with an ex. As in, "Here Are 12 Ways to Weasel Yourself Back Into His Life After He Dumps You!" type stuff. Advice on how to act and what to say when you're dumped so you can angle your way back into his life. (Or her life. Although I will note that these things are more geared towards women being dumped by men.) not really ok, as far as I'm concerned. I am forever telling people that being with someone who doesn't want to be with you? Is absurd. You deserve better!

But the internet seems to be really in favor of "you deserve to wear him down and settle."

So what do you think, Internet Friends? What are your thoughts on getting back together with an ex?

Saturday, January 22, 2011

The Blind Non-Date

I didn't want to blog about this until I knew what to say. And now...I know.

Last month, my sister called me to say she had a present for me! (Yay!) A seven digit present. (Yay? Keeping an open mind, though.) D is someone she knows through work (thus confirming he is not creepy), tall and cute, and employed. These are all qualities I like in a man, so I kept listening. (Despite the hangover I had during this phone call.) Sister told me to call him.

Skeptical. I would much rather be the one answering the phone rather than dialing, which I realize is not very progressive of me but I don't care. So I didn't call. The timeline of the following days was Hangover, Skeptical, Doubt, and finally Guilt. I hate when people say they'll call...and don't. So, I called. We chatted. He seemed interesting enough and was fairly charming. We were meeting for dinner the week before Christmas. (Not that I had any clue how I would find him...when I stalked him on facebook, his picture isn't of his face! It's called FACEbook, not BACK OF YOUR HEADbook.)

The day before our date, he called. Apologetically, he told me he'd gotten the new job he'd mentioned interviewing for during our previous phone call and would have to reschedule our date because of his new schedule. He'd call me.

I assumed he wouldn't call that week, because who wants to go on a blind date at Christmas? Then I figured he wouldn't call until after New Years, because who wants to go on a blind date in those days between Christmas and New Years?

So...that was three weeks ago. And...well, I'm just going to go ahead and assume he's not calling.

(I just remembered that I had this issue LAST Christmas. We've been down this road! Let's remember this in December, ok? I'm not taking this path again. )

Thursday, January 13, 2011

There's a longer story behind this.

Got a text message during work today, from my brother. He was alerting me that someone from Easy Rider had died. Since I had already gotten this message when Dennis Hopper passed away, I assumed it was Peter Fonda. Sad.

Shortly after, I received the following message, which will go down in history as one of the best ones my brother has ever sent me.

"Yeah so here's the deal. I thought I read Peter Fonda was found dead in a car. But he actually found a body in a car. Soooo, my bad."

There is no part of this message that is not wonderful and hilarious.

Happy weekend, kids!

Monday, January 10, 2011

An Open Letter...

To the House with Still-Lit Christmas Decorations,

I get it. You love Christmas. That became clear to me sometime around Thanksgiving when your lawn filled up with inflatables and seasonal lights. Who could blame you? I myself love the most wonderful time of the year. The drive past you as I leave work each night was a highlight for me.

But I would like to emphasize the use of past-tense in that last sentence. It was a highlight. I know what you must be thinking--that verb tense suggest that this experience is no longer a highlight! How can this be?

Because it's freaking January 10th! Christmas is over! If you're going to fly in the face of holiday decoration decency, you could at least stop turning the lights on! Stop inflating the giant waving Santa! And for heaven's sake let's lose the flashing LED CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN. It is grossly inaccurate to suggest that Christmas is "00 days 00 hours 00 minutes" away. Christmas is now, you're saying? Right now this minute? REALLY? Because by my count it is 348 days, 3 hours, and 34 minutes away. (And by "my count" I obviously mean .)

If you're going to keep the holiday spirit going, at least restart that damn thing.

Saturday, January 08, 2011

Not helping.

I recently found this article about a woman in Spain who faked her own kidnapping. I know what you must be thinking--why? Why on earth would someone fake their own kidnapping? That's just madness!

To see how her husband would react. She wanted to know just how far he'd go for her. No, seriously. Police followed her car and found her shopping while she was supposedly in captivity. Now, I hate to turn on my gender, but when it comes to perpetuating ridiculous stereotypes...the rules change.

Ladies, what's up with all the games? Is there some reason we (and I use the term loosely, because I am not comfortable being lumped in here) feel the need to constantly test our relationships? Granted, this is a rather extreme example. But this test is so common in lesser forms! You know that woman's husband went to the bar with his friends and used whatever the Spanish equivalent of "batshit crazy" is. Is that a phrase we want to keep hearing? I vote no. (Unless I'm saying it, anyway.)

Sunday, January 02, 2011


So you may have heard that I am currently reading the Justin Bieber autobiography. (Borrowed from the public library; I did not spend money on this.) Why, you may ask?

Why not?

From the second I learned that Justin was writing his own life story, I was pretty much compelled to read it. I mean, come on. There's no way this would NOT be an entertaining read. Who cares if any library employee will be able to learn that I checked this out? (Hmm...I might...) A library friend said it read like a really long tweet--and after the first 60 pages, I see exactly what she meant. There is no. way. that Justin had a ghostwriter for this--because if he did, he hired another teenage boy to do it. It reads exactly the way you'd expect Bieber to talk. Oh, and there are 400,000 pictures!

When I hit page 44, I decided that having this on my library record is totally worth it. Reaching a section entitled, "Star-Crossed Lovers," Justin tells us he was two years old in 1996 (and then I remembered how old I am) when The Cardigans released the song "Lovefool." Putting together the section title and this song reference, I decide we are about to have a Shakespeare lesson from Professor Bieber.

I am not wrong. Are you ready, readers?

"It was featured in this crazy film adaptation of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, which is also dope. Any guy can relate to Romeo, who's trying really hard to be cool in front of his crew, but he can't stop looking at all these beautiful girls all over Verona, and then he falls victim to one of the killer crushes of all time."
(--Justin Bieber)
And there you have it. What William Shakespeare took the entire first act to say, Justin Bieber has summed up in one run-on sentence. Welcome to the Twitter Generation, where there is no need for extraneous descriptors--140 characters and the thing cuts you off! Say what you need to say and get out.

This is not a book to be taken seriously. It is delightfully teenaged--fun, nonsensical, yet heavy with the weight of adolescent angst. Today it will be "the best book I have ever read ohhhemgee!" but in a few years, the audience will laugh the way I do when I remember I used to read Tiger Beat pretty religiously. But perhaps Bieber's legion of lady fans will decided that Romeo sounds like a pretty awesome guy and pick up the extended version.

PS: Not to be missed: Justin tackles the word "Zamboni" on page 10. And 185. I'll let you discover that gem for yourselves! Just trust me.