Friday, June 15, 2007


Recently CVS mailed my mother a bonus for using her ExtraCare card. It was a men's Schick Quattro Titanium razor. Logically I should have let my father have it, but I don't particularly care if my razor is pink. A man razor is fine by me. I was even more intrigued by the packaging. Along with the claims of having "4 titanium coated blades" and "less irritation than the leading brand," there was the following:

More strut in my giddy-up? I don't even know what that means! But I figured it MUST be a good thing, if Schick is bragging about it. I mean, it led to some concerns. What is [a] giddy-up? Do I have that? Or is it a man thing? And if I do, is more strut a good thing? What if I don't, in fact, have [a] giddy-up? What then, Quattro Titanium? What good are you to me?
Plagued by these concerns, I used the razor. I had to!! I have to tell you that it was a very pleasant shaving experience. I can't be sure about my level of strut, what with all my previous quandaries. But it was a nice razor. Of that I am sure.

Guys, can you help me with my questions? Are there answers out there?

Also: Schick, that website is trying a little too hard to be cool. Is that some sort of video game I see? But I guess the effort is nice. Thanks for the razor. Which, apparently, you now make for women. Too bad I already got my men's version for free!

Monday, June 11, 2007

An open letter.

Dear American Men,
It is widely known that I have little to no faith in your gender. But I guess you thought it was just men in general. It's a common misconception. Having just returned from 10 days in Ireland, I have something to say.
Wow. It is strictly the ones from this country that consistently disappoint. Sure, men the world over have a lot to learn, but WOW. America, you are way behind. When I spent a year in Ireland, I figured that the men there looked good because I wasn't used to coed college. I gave you the benefit of the doubt. But now I have been back in the real, coed world again for a year. And never did I suspect that 10 days back in Europe would make you look so bad. Oh, but it did. You look totally unappealing. You're completely underwhelming. The level of effort here is just sickening. I'm not saying that every man in Ireland is a winner. I AM saying that at least you feel like they're trying. Even the complete assfaces are a little bit charming, so you don't mind as much. And it's not just the accent, although admittedly that's a part of it. I know that's not your fault. I won't hold it against you.
Let me try to put this in terms you'll understand. Sports! You get sports, right? Let me see...

Ok, guys. It's Ireland v. You. This is the big game. Ireland has already got an edge on you, because they got all the hot cheerleaders. They got them because when the ladies showed up to audition, they were nice. Ireland was polite and gentlemanly and charming and they TRIED. They wore the nice uniforms. Your girls showed up and you grunted at them and they didn't feel any more charmed than the guy who sold you your beer. In fact, they couldn't tell who you cared about more. So Ireland got the good ones, and yours settled.
I am not a sports girl, so I can't give you a lot of metaphors regarding the actual game. But let me put it this way: they are kicking your ass. You are LOSING. I know how much you hate that! But maybe if you step it up you can still do well in this last portion of the game.

I'm not saying that you should walk around trying to impress all the ladies all the time. I know that there are some of us you're just not that into. But what I am saying is that a girl should be able to distinguish when you ARE trying. Make her feel more charmed than the beer guy! I really don't think this is asking too much on behalf of all the ladies out there.
Solitarily yours,

Bitter Amanda

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Yeah, I'm back.

Hello again, kids. I'm back from my European Adventure, as well as the bonus Chicago Airport Adventure that was thrown in on my way home. I got to spend eight hours there, due to cancelled flights, delayed flights, changed gates, and flying standby. However, I must say that it was a decent eight hours, all things considered. O'Hare is a fairly pleasant airport. Except for the high volume of kissing people. (Wtf?)
The trip itself was fantastic. Saw old friends, met some new ones, gave a little advice, ate chocolate, drank various things, and gave out my fair share of awkward hugs. Ok, fine--more than my fair share.
Anyway, this was just a quick post to let you know that I'll be back to giving advice and complaining about your problems. Until then, enjoy this photo of "Why Ireland is a Silly Place."