Wednesday, September 24, 2008

A few things of note.

There are a couple cool things you should know about. (And attend, if you live in this area.)

On Sunday October 5th, I will be at the 4th Annual Macomb County Women's Expo! My fabulously talented twin, Amy, will be there displaying and selling her art. Check out this site and click on 2008 Expo for all the information you could want.
Sunday, October 5th
11am - 4pm
The Mirage
16980 18 Mile Road
Clinton Township MI
$3 admission
It'll be awesome. Come hang out!
The very next weekend is an event that's dear to my dark and murky soul. On Sunday, October 12th, the 3rd Annual KDB Melanoma Walk will be taking place. We walk to raise money for the Melanoma Research Foundation, in honor of a friend we lost to the disease. You can walk 1 mile or 5k.
Sunday, October 12th
Kensington Metro Park
Milford, MI
Registration begins at 9am
Walk begins at 11am
Melanoma is a bitch, so come join us.


Today was a pretty good day for news.

First of all, it's National Punctuation Day! I like that. But really...shouldn't every day be Punctuation Day?

Thanks to the several friends who sent me the following article about the use of rubber duckies in legit scientific work. I love it!

Nicole Kidman claims that a waterfall helped her get pregnant. Really? Now, I'm not an expert on this issue, but...Nicole? I'd venture a guess that your pregnancy was more caused by Keith Urban's sperm. Just a thought.

Clay Aiken is gay. Which is not even a little bit surprising. Yet somehow merits the cover of People magazine? How does THAT work, People? I'm all for people being honest about themselves. Good job, Clay. But still. Not. A. Surprise.

Monday, September 15, 2008

No, I don't think they WILL ever know.

After my scary encounter last night (shut up) I need a little joy in my day. Well. I have found it. Celtic Thunder is a group of guys from Ireland, Northern Ireland, and Scotland who sing traditional Celtic songs. And Desperado.
I love PBS, which is where I found this on TV last night. I caught the end. But I missed a part, which I simply had to see, after learning about it on their website. And, the clip. I think you'll know exactly why I shared this with you, my dears.

PS Dude is either 14 or 16, depending on the source you find. (I trust his MySpace, which says 16.)


Wild kingdom.

A few minutes ago, I walked into my room (late night, yes) and noticed Big Ugly Bug on my ceiling.
"Dammit," I say to no one in particular. It's in the corner and I can't easily get to it to use any of my standard methods of removal. (Squishing and trapping being the two most common.) There's no one around to handle this situation for me. (Damn you, men! Why are you never around when I can actually use you??) Well, I don't know what Big Ugly Bug is. I should find out. Can't get too close, because I might find out the hard way if Big Ugly Bug is Jumping Big Ugly Bug. I don't want anything eating my face off tonight, thanks.
What to do?
I know! I'll use my generation's version of binoculars: digital camera. I take a quick photo of BUB, then zoom in as close as I can. Gross! Even worse than I imagined. It's unidentifiable. I put the camera down to regroup. Glancing back up again, it seems smaller. That's weird....
Another picture. Zoom in...ohhh, good. It wasn't one huge bug, but rather two regular sized flies. Sigh of relief!

WAIT. First picture. Second picture. It's like a flip-book. (The worst flip-book ever made.) They were on top of each other! OH MY GOD it was fly sex. I PHOTOGRAPHED (and scrutinized) INSECT PORN.


Sunday, September 14, 2008

Potty training.

This certainly isn't a new issue, but it is one that I'm struggling with. Guys, level with me: why, exactly, do you think the whole world is your toilet?

Seriously. I totally get that it's easy enough for you to go anywhere you damn well please. For the ladies, it's a little more complicated most of the time. It's a process. But just because you can do it, does that mean you have to do it?

I was at a party last weekend, and a lot of us were outside around a fire. It was a perfectly good time, and it's really important to note that the toilet in the house was perfectly functional. Why is this detail significant? I'm glad you asked. It appeared that none of the gentlemen at the party inquired as to the status of said toilet, choosing instead to figure it was out of order. And what's a guy to do when he's been hitting the keg and nature calls? Well, if the toilet isn't an option (NOTE: It was.) you can just go outside! Hooray! Everywhere I looked, there was some guy, back to the crowd, taking care of business. By my calculations, the entire perimeter of the yard, barring the section that led to the house, was tainted. Guys, seriously, we can see you. Everyone can see you. I began to worry. I do not pee in things that aren't toilets. Would I have to hold it until I got home? Things weren't desperate yet, but if I waited all night to pee...well, things could get ugly. Should I stop drinking? (Oh heavens no.) Rather than put down my cocktail, I decided to risk a trip inside, just to check on the toilet situation. My heart full of hope, things looked ok. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, and there was even toilet paper--in a boy house, one can't take this amenity for granted. After some extensive research (hint: I peed.) I ascertained that the restroom was in fully working order.

Why am I telling you this? Well, because it means that all those guys were peeing outside by choice. In front of their friends, outside, in the open, because they wanted to. So I ask you: why?

Thursday, September 11, 2008

"This is so going on my blog!"

Was defs my first reaction to the new facebook.

Facebook, I was never shy about you being my favorite social networking site. I have forgiven a lot during our relationship. You introduced the status change, and that was kind of weird but I learned to love it. Then along came gifts, which I embraced. You allowed anyone with an email address to join, and I came around to that. Applications were added left and right and I still can't log in without being invited to add something. I learned to filter out the crap and have found some I love. One day, you finally listened and I was able to change not only my status but the accompanying verb! That was a good day. We have been through a LOT.

But THIS. Ohhhh, Facebook. What were you thinking! This new Facebook is absolutely ridiculous. I can't find anything! Why is my status in size 47 font? Where is everything? Why can't I just look at someone's whole profile at one time?

Sigh. Please don't make me go back to Friendster. Nobody is there anymore.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

With thanks.

Recently I was with a group of new friends, completely unaware that I was about to learn some valuable life lessons. Halfway through a beer, B. raised his voice to announce, "Let me tell you something about men."

You have my attention. Since B. is male and most of the [captive] audience was also male, I was curious about what he would have to share with them that they didn't already know. (I mean, by mid-20s is there still a lot of mystery? And how did B. learn the answers?) "Men think about four things." Oh. Hmm. Still listening...

1. Family
2. Games
3. Sex
4. Drugs
(this includes alcohol)

Other than arguing about the order (I'll leave you to decide which one was a serious point of debate) the guys didn't have much to add to that. And just when I was thinking what a great night I was having, it got better. Oh, so much better.

"But women," B. announces, "have more. They have a top ten." I have a great number of questions already brewing in my mind about this. But I'm very entertained, so I decide to hold off.

1. What is going on with my face? (Ok, I had to laugh. I don't know that it's the number one thing I think about, but I certainly do ponder that at least once a day.)
2. Should I shave today? (Answer usually no.)
3. Nose. (Sorry? B. says that he doesn't know why, but that most women have a weird thing about their nose. I do not ask why this doesn't get folded into number one. Assume B. has his reasons.)
4. Hair.
5. Wardrobe.
6. Sex.
7. Friends.
(At this point, B. launches into a tangential tirade about women going to the bathroom in packs. I try to shed some light on the situation. B. nods enthusiastically, then does an imitation of the "secret signal" we use to tell each other it's time for a bathroom conference. Wish I had a video of this.)
8. Family.
9. Car.
10. Shelter.
(Men don't consider this? B.: "No, we don't really care." Ah.)

I asked a fair few questions after this, once my laughter had subsided. I learned how he'd gotten his intel. (Pretty valid, particularly once I learned that he doesn't have a lot of female friends...mainly girlfriends. That's going to really change what you see.)

In relaying this information to a good friend, she had an immediate suggestion. TK suggested that the list would be far more agreeable if #3 was included in #1. (It makes sense. Pondering one's nose is a part of asking 'what's going on with my face?') But what of #3, then?
3. Is this a date?

Brilliant. Men, do you have any idea how often we're asking this question? Unless we're with one of those guys we consider a brother or we know for sure it IS a date, we're trying to figure out if we're on a date. You hold open a door and we think date. Then you talk about another girl and it's not a date. Then you pay for dinner and it's back to a date. You see? It's amazing any of us have the will left to hold a conversation despite the exhaustion!
But of course, we don't tell you about it, which explains why B. didn't include this on his list. It's the secret answer.

I'd write more about this, but I have to go discuss it with some friends and then decide whether or not I'll shave today. (Probs not.)

Thursday, September 04, 2008


If I wrote greeting cards, I like to imagine some of them would resemble this site. Check it out--they have a lot more options than your average Hallmark.