Fun Fact

Apparently I own a necklace that looks like a sex toy. 


This week, I wore a different necklace to work. Early in the day, my class was with another teacher so I stopped by to say hello to a friend, N. As we spoke, another woman walked in the room. N started laughing about something, then turned the other, said something in Arabic, and pointed at my necklace. They laughed as I looked confused. "I don't want to know." I said. 
They laughed more. She lowered her voice. "That looks like a sex toy." 
AND THEN I DIED. I teach 2nd grade! I do not own necklaces that look like sex toys! And if I did, I WOULD NOT WEAR THEM TO TEACH 2ND GRADE. 
"Can I borrow this?" she asked. I more or less shrieked a no at her. "You stick it--" she started to say, laughing at my embarrassment before I retreated to my classroom. 
However. Readers, I am stubborn. ("What? Not you!") I refused to take off my obscene necklace. I was...I don't know, proving a point? In retrospect I'm not really sure what I was trying to prove. That I can handle the inevitable mocking? At lunch, N was well behaved. Until the one man in the room got up to get something from the other room. She leaned in towards a couple others and started murmuring in Arabic, pointing towards me. (I work with a fair amount of bilingual people.) 
"STOP IT!" I shrieked, reddening. "SHUT UP STOP IT STOP IT I HATE YOU." 
"What's going on, Amanda?" asked the man from the other room, laughing at my spectacle.
"Nothing!" I answered too quickly. The women were laughing. 
"Why are you hiding?" 
"I'M NOT!" 


I thought I was in the clear. I had the rest of the afternoon without any breaks, so I could easily get away with hiding in my room with my class. Later, I was in the middle of reading a chapter out of Charlotte's Web to my class. N knocked on the door. I started to open it when I realized the man was with her. But I was going to be cool. 
"Um, I'm kinda busy here. You know, teaching?" I said, trying to be casual. I would not meet the man's eyes. 


OH RIGHT I FORGOT PART OF THE STORY. That man? He's the only single man in the building. And you know how it goes--two single, straight people in close proximity of both age and geography must be destined for each other. Which many people have tried telling me. (And maybe him, who knows?)


Back to our story. I'm standing in my door, holding up Charlotte's Web like a shield, protecting me from having this conversation. 
"Tell him the story about your necklace," N says with a smirk. 


Yes, she did get a door closed on her as my face burst into flames. 






Excuse me, I have a necklace to put on ebay. 

so bright it'll blow your mind.

My years at Smith College were the best of my life, to date. It was where I learned that sometimes it's ok to make bad decisions. (I learned a lot of other things, too, don't get me wrong.)  More than anything, though, I found a second family. The Smithies surrounding me were, from day one until this very moment, my support system. They are my source for adventure, advice, hugs, rubber ducks, tea, and love. (I know, gross.) They picked me up after I fell so many times. They still do. My Smithies are the first ones I want to call when I have good news or bad news or stupid news. They are the reason I started writing here. They are the family I chose. 
Like Harry Potter, I was sorted randomly into a house--but I never for one second believed it was random. The universe sent me that house, those women, that family. We were meant to find each other. 


One of those women, a brilliant and caring young woman, lost her battle with cancer this week. It has been a tough reality to face. Knowing that Kirby, someone so beautiful and kind, has lost to such an ugly disease...it steals the air from my lungs. I can't pretend to understand. Kirby was a superhero walking undetected among us, making things right whenever she could. Hearing the news of her diagnosis this fall, I had to sit down. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Last week, when news of her declining health reached me, I sobbed. The unfairness of it all. And when I saw E's name on the screen of my phone, I knew it was over. 


And even through all of this, I look back at our time at Smith...and I can't help but smile. And I know that's exactly how I will remember her. I'm so proud to call her a part of my history. My whole family is. 

Not really a role model.

Early last week, we received a staff email about an animal assembly scheduled for Friday. I had no idea what that would entail, but dutifully scheduled it into my plans and got my class sufficiently enthused. (One of the beautiful parts about teaching 2nd grade is that you don't have to know what's going on, as long as you bill things as a "special surprise!") I could only assume we would be seeing and/or learning about some animals. I was admittedly uneasy, thinking it might include...some certain species which are neither cute nor cuddly. But come 9am, off we went! We filed into the gym, where the kindergarten, 1st, and 2nd grades were gathering. My class was last into the room and sat in the back of the group. I eyed the display warily, taking in the cages and containers concealed by cloth. Coffee cup in hand, I told my kids they would love it. 
Our presenter was wonderful. He did a fantastic job with our students the entire time. They LOVED it. After telling us about himself, the presenter started to talk about what he brought with him. When he said, "I did not bring any spiders with me," I took note of his tone. I started to work it out in my head...and on instinct alone, I started my way toward the door. Quickly. I was almost there when he called me out. Our kids turned and saw me and we all had a laugh. The presenter smiled and reassured us that no one would get hurt and he would not make me come any closer. He also noted that I had figured out what was coming. 
And then he brought out a tarantula. A tarantula that filled his hand. HIS HAND, you guys. Once he announced that what he brought was NOT a spider, I immediately decided that he would choose to talk about arachnids vs. spiders, and my brain went to tarantula. Caught in the act, I walked back to my class. And we were fine. I mean, I wasn't really looking that closely. But we were fine! Until he started addressing a question about tarantulas jumping. He asked my name and said I was going to help him demonstrate how far they could jump. I admit, I froze. He told me to stay in the back of the crowd and hold out my hands. I remained frozen. One of my students caught my eye and said, "You can just try!" That was too cute and encouraging and I resigned myself to my fate. I assumed it would all be ok and I trusted him, but still...stuck in the moment and all. He told me to put my coffee cup down. "You're a role model!" he laughed. Ok. Just try. Role model. Role model. Coffee cup down. Hands out. Brave face. 
FUN FACT: Tarantulas can't jump! It was a teaching thing, guys. He held onto her the whole time and I remain a tarantula holding virgin. (Which I am totally comfortable with and shall remain until the end of my days.) 
We had fun. We saw a snake (also not that exciting for me, but the kids loved it) and then some seriously cool things I'd never seen. The BEST part was the fennec fox. I was smitten. 
FUN FACT 2: Foxes are my power animal. It's a long story. 
My class honestly had an amazing time and we talked about animals (and my hesitance toward arachnids) for a good part of the afternoon. Go ahead, tell me you have a cooler job. 


Well...except the tarantulas. BUT BESIDES THAT, I have the best job. 

Crucial.

READERS, THIS IS PROBABLY THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION I'VE ASKED IN DAYS. (Ok, not really. But don't you feel a sense of purpose when you read that? Go ahead, read it again. Powerful, huh?)


...Which Star Wars t-shirt do you like better?

Don't make the wrong choice. NO PRESSURE.

Since the world is ending anyway...

Inspired by my friend Kevin, I've decided that setting some resolutions for the new year wouldn't be the worst thing I could do. Since I'm at my best when other people are watching and ready to make me feel inadequate in the case of my failure, I'll let you read them! Feel free to mock me openly when I don't accomplish these, ok? 


1. I am going to stay on top of my inbox. This seemed like a trite resolution until I spent almost an hour clearing out my various email accounts a few days ago. (Do you realize how many sales I missed at Bath and Body Works?) So this year, I will not let things pile up. Not even my yahoo account that I reserve for newsletters, online shopping, and people I don't like. 
2. Get really and truly started on my master's degree. Not in a flirting way like I've been doing, but we're going to get serious. I'm going to tell facebook about our relationship and everything. 
3. I am going to be 100% more vigilant about zipping up my pants. I'm not kidding here, there were two days last month where I repeatedly discovered that my zipper was down, INCLUDING A TIME I REALIZED THAT I TAUGHT THE WHOLE MORNING IN THAT STATE. Not that my class would have noticed--I regularly have to tell kids to rebutton wonky shirts and switch their shoes to the correct feet--but it's not a good feeling. 
4. I am going to get back to the workout routine that I liked best/worked best for me. I've let it fall away and since we know I need to be concerned about the size of my ass, I need to get back on it. Ask me how it's going, Internet. Not right this second, because clearly I'm writing a blog post...I mean periodically throughout the year. Like, whenever you're thinking about me (I know you do). On a similar note, if you have any music suggestions that motivate you, let me know. I'm always looking for recommendations. 


You will notice nothing about men here. I am purposefully omitting this aspect of my life from resolution. I have enough weirdos, married men, men in other relationships, and emotionally wounded men in my life--I can't handle more. 
Here's to a decent 2012, readers! 

Probably not the intended use.

My partner in crime used to have the kind of job where the whole office would receive and read those business self-help books. Since I don't have one of those jobs, I was curious and borrowed one from her shelf. I was hoping it would help me talk to men, but I'm not sure I'm the target audience for this type of book. 


I chose "Fierce Conversations" by Susan Scott. I figure anything fierce can be of use to me. Part of the book is a section called "mineral rights"--a series of questions meant to get to the bottom of an issue. I posed the first question to my partner in crime and we went from there. Was it helpful? You be the judge.**


1. What is the most important thing you and I should be talking about? Coffee. 
2. Describe the issue. We don't have any coffee. And we should have coffee. 
3. How is this currently impacting you? Who or what else is being impacted? This is impacting us because we love coffee and have none. Coffee levels are depleting rapidly. We are both being impacted. So is the general mood around here. 
4. If nothing changes, what are the implications? When you consider those possible outcomes, what do you feel? If we don't get coffee, we will still have no coffee and be totally grumpy. That makes us feel sad. And a little angry. 
5. How have you helped create this issue or situation? We drank all the coffee already. 
6. What is the ideal outcome? When you contemplate these possibilities, what do you feel? Ideally we would have coffee. And that would make us feel happy.
7. What's the most potent step you can take to begin to resolve this issue? What exactly are you committed to do and when? When should I follow up with you? The most potent thing would be to make coffee. We are committing to making coffee and drinking it immediately. We can follow up in 5 minutes when we have the coffee. 


I mean, ultimately there was a positive outcome. I'm not sure I'm meant to be part of the business world, though. 








**All questions are quotes from "Fierce Conversations" by Susan Scott.

Because it's Thanksgiving...

This year, I'm thankful for...(in no particular order)...

1. Puppies, like the one I'll be seeing tomorrow at my sister's house. Because nothing seems that bad when a puppy is sleeping on your lap. Even boys who can't locate their testicles long enough to ask for your phone number.

2. Self esteem boosts from second graders. Three of my students wrote about me in their journals for Monday's "I am thankful for..." topic. TWO of them wrote that I smell good. My students are strange and wonderful. Especially when dance like robots and ask if they can come to my house and eat cupcakes.

3. The uniquely fabulous family I come from.

4. Coffee, champagne, and gin. Not all at one time, don't be gross.

5. Awesome and insanely talented friends who defend you in the face of insults, say yes to a cup of coffee regardless of the time, agree to any and all proposed adventures, position themselves between you and people you can't stand, pretend to be your boyfriend when creepy older men won't leave you alone, and wander around Target with you just because.

PS: Honorable mention to Ryan Gosling. Look at him.