Updates from the Austen Suburbs

I met Mr. Darcy almost a year ago. (Check out the Netherfield tag if you want to catch up on the Mr. Darcy saga.) And to this day, we've only had the one conversation. 

You guys, I'm not sure he's playing it cool. I read the book, he's supposed to knock off the aloof act after a while. He's supposed to learn to love me and then awkwardly confess his feelings! 

He might...just be ignoring me. Seriously. I don't even know what to do with this realization. Although I did learn that I have a mutual friend with the roommate. Maybe I was right, maybe Mr. Darcy really is Mr. Bingley and this mystery roommate will be Mr. Darcy and fall weirdly in love with me**? That could happen, right? 

It's time for some Mrs. Bennet level scheming, readers. No concrete plans yet, but there are weeks of beautiful weather ahead of us and I WILL come up with a plan. 




**And by fall weirdly in love with me, I mean put his face on mine. I'm talking about a loose adaptation, ok? Nobody here is looking for a husband. 

Still keeping an eye on Netherfield...

I haven't spotted Mr. Darcy in so long that I was beginning to think he fled back to Pemberley for the winter. His car isn't even around that much! (I'm not even going to apologize for sounding creepy because what, are you new here?) (If you are new here you can check out the Netherfield tag and learn just how much I stalk Mr. Darcy.) (Stop interrupting me.) ANYWAY, I know the house isn't empty because there are lights on and other such signs of life. Just no people. 

Until yesterday! Twin and I were leaving the house as Mr. Darcy pulled into his driveway. And then, as we walked down our driveway, Mr. Darcy slowly reversed his car down his own driveway. When we got in the car, I turned to Twin and said, "Well that was it. He was probably checking us out and is now determining that we are barely tolerable. It's all going to plan. ...Also, rude. We are far better than barely tolerable." 

I'll spare you details about Twin's reply, although if you're imagining that she rolled her eyes...you might be right. 

Stalking Netherfield

I saw Mr. Darcy's roommate twice this weekend. (At least, I'm guessing it was his roommate. I have no idea what the living situation is over there.) On Friday, he was on the phone in front of the house. It was fairly dark, which is fine as I was in yoga pants with dirty hair and not a stitch of makeup, carrying the ice cream Twin and I brought home. (Whatever, if he hates ice cream and being comfortable he sucks anyway.) It was light enough, however, that I could tell he is not a troll. 
On Saturday, he was mowing the lawn. Non-troll status confirmed. He can stick around. 

My Thursday book club discussion took a brief turn as everyone shared ideas for further stalking Netherfield. The ideas ranged from simple (stealing mail to conveniently return later), to complicated (I don't even feel good sharing that one), to classic. (This one requires following the sage advice of Cher Horowitz. I'm supposed to show him how desired I am by sending myself flowers and candy.) 

What could possibly go wrong? I mean, other than becoming a full-on stalker. 

Weekly Mr. Darcy Update

I spied on Mr. Darcy this weekend. I don't mean that I spotted him and then went along with my day. I mean that I heard him mowing the lawn, peeked through the curtains, and watched him cut the grass for a while, ducking my face back inside when he was heading in my direction. 

It was totally worth it, he is a good looking man. 

Spent some time with my neighbors (the ones I know, not the ones I stare at) trying to figure out plans to lure him outside. They had some good, solid ideas (hey, I might need to borrow a chainsaw sometime, right?). I'm not going to lie to you, though--my idea was the best. 

Except instead of money, I'm going to use freshly baked cookies. I'll sit on my porch holding the string and wait for him to wander outside and BAM--trapped. My plan is flawless.


Does anyone have a refrigerator box I can borrow? 

Spying on Netherfield

Since Netherfield is in the suburbs, Mr. Darcy's living room windows are right next to my driveway. I was taking out the trash on Thursday night and noticed that he has nice curtains hanging in that room, and that the lights were on. A chance to peek inside! As I was very nearly pressing my face against the glass I noticed him lounging on his couch...facing the window. 

Thanks to my him watching TV and my quick reflexes (...ok, mostly the television) I dodged away before he could see me.** STILL didn't get a good view of him. Better luck next time, I suppose. 

Some observations: 1. Mr. Darcy has pretty good taste in furniture. What I saw, anyway. 2. He also has a coat rack! Hello, adulthood. Who are you trying to impress? (It's working.) 3. Mr. Darcy lays on the couch a little bit "paint me like one of your French girls," except clothed. 

Twin and I are determined to get a better view. Soon. Whatever it takes. 

Get ready, Netherfield: Bennet sisters are about to be creeping in your windows. 

EDIT: The above was written on Friday evening. On Saturday, there were huge new developments. (If you follow me on twitter or facebook, you perhaps caught wind of this. If you're not following me...well why aren't you?) Twin and I were moving things in the garage and our neighbors, Krush and Chi-Chi came over to help. I glanced over and saw that Mr. Darcy was grilling in his backyard. I quietly caw-cawed so everyone saw what I was seeing. (Yes, that is literally what I did. Don't ask.) Now, Krush and Chi-Chi have met Mr. Darcy before. As I tried not to stare at Mr. Darcy's back, Krush called over and said hello. After he greeted us, she asked if he'd met me before. Mr. Darcy jogged over to the fence to shake my hand. We had a little chat before he went to tend to his grill. Krush is the greatest. 

(Fun fact: they met Mr. Darcy while I was out of the country. Apparently afterwards they noted that he was attractive and that I'd appreciate that. Chi-Chi said, "Oh, this will be fun." TOO TRUE.)

You guys. It's the worst. Mr. Darcy IS handsome. He was friendly and charming. HOW CAN I LIVE NEXT DOOR TO A CHARMING AND HANDSOME MAN? Do you know how often I wear yoga pants? 
But he didn't do the aloof, brooding Darcy thing. Maybe he's really Mr. Bingley? After all, he is rumored to have some sort of alleged girlfriend. (No details on that situation yet. All sources report that she's lovely, though. Dammit.) I'm still largely uninformed about who is living there and perhaps his mysterious roommate is actually Mr. Darcy.

On top of all this, a new concern arises: I need to start using his real name when I'm off-blog speaking about this. What if I accidentally call him Mr. Darcy to his attractive face? 

Oh man. This WILL be fun... 

**I think. 

Netherfield Update: News from my Absence

I left town for a month shortly after Mr. Darcy moved in. This was terrible timing, but Twin has your back and took notes in my absence. 

Apparently it took a full week for any signs of curtains to appear. Starting then and continuing even now, an upstairs window has bluish haze which appears to be a tarp. We are all hoping this is a result of some sort of home improvement project, rather than a frat boy attitude towards window treatments. 

Weekends see many cars come and go from Netherfield, Twin reports. We'll have to wait until moving chaos calms down before we know if this indicates a busy social life or just helpful friends moving boxes. On the plus side, he's quiet and there have been zero emergency vehicles.

Twin has only had one sighting of him. He was out back speaking to my dad and borrowing tools. Mr. Darcy is rather elusive. 

I saw him yesterday! Well...the top of his head. I heard a great deal of noise and my investigation revealed that he was working on his back lawn. He's not as tall as I was led to believe, as I could only make out the top of his head over the hedges. Curly hair was sticking out from a baseball hat, and he did not reveal his face to me as I peered through some curtains. I can make no judgments on his appearance yet. 

Sadly, it would seem tragedy has struck our budding story. In what I can only describe as a complete failure, the Dad News Network missed a huge detail in this man's life! It took my mother a three minute conversation with his mother to learn that our Mr. Darcy has a girlfriend! And she's apparently moving in, not that I've seen any sign of her. 

I know what you're thinking, and YES, this is the same mother who inquired after young single women when speaking with my father! These are some seriously conflicting accounts. My mother's best guess is that his mother does not care for the girlfriend. I'm looking into this theory, as well as the claim that Mr. Darcy has a younger, spiky haired brother. Rest assured--the Bennets will get to the bottom of this issue. 

It's been raining all week, so I've no excuse for being in the backyard for more than a moment or two...hopefully the weather will cooperate and I can spend some quality time peering over a book into the next yard. 

BREAKING: As I was preparing to post this, I heard more news of Netherfield. It would seem Mr. Darcy is getting a roommate--and not the younger brother or girlfriend. (Does this mean Mr. Darcy is really Mr. Bingley? I've confused my own storyline.) There is still hope, dear readers. 

Austen Suburbs, Continued

A car has appeared at Netherfield! 

In other news, it would seem that a single man in possession of a good fortune...has not found time for curtains. 



This is terrible timing, as I'm leaving for summer camp tomorrow afternoon! I'll get Twin to keep a log and I'll update you in August.