Wednesday, June 05, 2013

Wedding Recap (Wedding 1 of 4)

As you might recall, I found myself at my ex-boyfriend's wedding recently.

I'll preface everything by saying that ultimately, I had a pretty good time. The DJ was awesome and pretty much catered to the groom's friends when it came to his music selection. 

However. The whole thing started with an air of uncertainty, as we were told it was not a sit-down dinner reception, but rather a "strolling dinner"--we were also led to believe this would basically be heavy appetizers. Twin put some granola bars in her purse, particularly for our friends in the wedding party who'd been at the venue for hours. (Drinking.) There had been no rehearsal of any kind, which lent to the potential chaos. Everyone was milling around chatting, not sitting. The clock ticked closer to the 4pm start time. A few of us decided that maybe we could start the sitting down process? It didn't exactly start a trend and nobody else sat down until 2 minutes before 4. 

That ended up being ok, since the groomsmen and groom didn't appear for 10 more minutes. It should be noted here that of 5 groomsmen, one was the brother of the bride, three were good friends of mine, and the best man was a horrible human being. He happened to be carrying a plastic water bottle. Up to the altar. At a wedding. 

Drink when your OCD tendencies kick in!

It took every ounce of self-control I possess to not go up and smack that water bottle out of his foolish hand. The girls next to me were ready to move out of my way and support my choice. 
He did, finally, put the damn thing away. And then we were ready! 

Well. We'll be ready when the bridesmaids come down the aisle! 


Here's someone--oh, nope. She's got the boutonnieres for  the guys.  They forgot about them. 

Five minutes later, flowers on, we got started. Bridesmaids arrived, bride made her entrance, and I tried to memorize her face. (We've only met for about 10 seconds and I'll never find her again unless she's wearing a wedding dress, so this seemed like a prudent move.)

The ceremony was short (hooray!) and the vows were written by the bride and groom. I couldn't really hear them but I'm sure they were...fine. The groom's ring was MIA, so there was a short break while someone ran to get it. It was over within half an hour. While we all waited for pictures to be done and car seating to be arranged, flasks were broken out. We had plenty to go around. Snacks were also handed out. 

Given the nature of the reception, there were limited tables (the small kind you stand around) and even less seating. The first of our friends to arrive staked out a table. We basically made a blood pact that the table must not go unoccupied--we were not giving it up. 
Cheers to the bride and groom. And the bar. 

Thanks to the heavy-handed bartender for that one. When the groomsmen arrived late, we were correct in assuming they'd stopped for food. We learned that the McDonald's employee helping them asked if they were attending prom. Sure, ten years ago. 

We got through the formalities--taking turns safeguarding our table. The first dance (generic song I've never heard), mother/son and father/daughter dances (groom chose Daft Punk, a solid decision), and speeches (the maid of honor gave sexist, generic advice she googled, including telling the groom that the bride is always right and that she can never have too many shoes ARE YOU KIDDING WITH THIS DRINK WHEN YOU'RE BORED). 

Then we ate. And ate. And ate. The food was delicious and I'm sorry I doubted it. There was a breakfast station with french toast and bacon. And buffalo chicken sliders. And mac and cheese. My humble apologies. 

We tracked down the dessert station and learned that we would not have to endure a cake cutting or the dreaded bouquet toss. 
Excellent. Let's eat our feelings. 

We moved onto the dance floor when Beyonce got involved, and didn't move from there for an hour or so. Until we were forced. Because the bride's brother proposed during the reception and DJ Fun Killer played a slow song for them. I went back to my date, Jack Daniels, and we repopulated our little table. (Which by then we were treating like a small island nation.) The bride's friends got their claws in the DJ, who played the kind of country music you can't even dance to for 4-5 songs. 

Suddenly, the music got louder and Britney Spears started. We looked at each other-- "He wants us back." We got back to the dance floor and were heartily welcomed by the DJ. We spent another couple hours dancing, except for when he played Africa by Toto and two of our friends protested at a table because they hate that song--and fun, I guess. 

It's also important to note that, despite issues in my personal life, I didn't have any breakdowns in the ladies room or anything! Self five. 

Wow, Amanda, you're not talking about the bride much. You're right, readers, I'm not. Why is that? Probably because she didn't come talk to us at all during the entire reception. Three groomsmen and one bridesmaid and over half a dozen other friends of the groom spent pretty much the whole night together and she couldn't quite make her way over to us. 

We didn't talk to the bride at all. I'm going to leave that without commentary. I feel like you all understand what I'm getting at with it. Right? 

Enjoy those kitchen towels and mixing bowls, I guess. 

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