Let's talk about prom.

I don't do a lot of high school reminiscing. I'd say on the average day, I spend zero minutes pining for those glory days. My time, passed in marching band and the Science Olympiad and that term I served as German Club president, was fine. Some stuff happened and sometimes it was good and a lot of the time it sucked. But it's over! 

But I have to tell you, a recent trend is making me really appreciate a part of those days. 

YOUNG PEOPLE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO PROM? 

Let me preface this forthcoming rant: I heard about this trend. I've witnessed it. But it is a difficult idea to grasp, so I asked some young people in my life, fresh out of high school. Even hearing from them, I don't get it. 

One word: PROMPOSALS. 

What's that, you say? It sounds like I just combined the words "prom" and "proposal"? Why yes, I did. Apparently the new thing is to not just ask someone to prom, but to stage an elaborate scene and then ask them to prom. And here I was happy when a cute boy was waiting by my locker after school one day, confirming the giggling rumor mill I'd witnessed all day. I guess that's lame now? 

No really. I know a guy who said he burst into his intended's classroom with flowers and song and asked her to prom. In Denver, I saw a guy on a busy street corner near a mall holding a huge sign with a girls name and PROM? in neon letters. He was dancing, waiting for her to drive by, and passers-by were honking at him in encouragement. And these are tame compared to what you see on youtube. Apparently there's a whole movie about this as well, aptly titled Prom. (It was put out by Disney a couple years ago.) 

Now, young people, I'm not saying that your ideas are dumb. (I mean...some of them are. But that's not ALL of what I'm saying here.) I'm just trying to educate. You haven't thought this through. 

In ten (AT LEAST TEN, do everyone a favor and take your time) years, some of you will be considering another, much larger question. Trust me, a marriage proposal is actually much more significant that an "Enchanted Evening" themed dance. Right now, you're grooming a generation of high maintenance women with grandiose visions for their romantic futures. Your flash mob scavenger hunt hot air balloon ride musical numbers are setting a very high expectation. You think prom matters to girls? That is just the teaser for a wedding. Weddings make women (and men, let's be real) crazy. 

So feel free to continue choreographing a scene from Glee to get a date. Just know that in a decade, you had better be ready. Bring your A game. Bring more than that, because these girls will be waiting to Instagram every second of it.