tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-367263032024-03-05T02:17:40.462-05:00Questionable Life Choices(mis)adventures of a woman scornedAmandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.comBlogger416125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36726303.post-17507394920017317822017-01-20T08:00:00.000-05:002017-01-20T08:00:24.951-05:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXtzGoneHVJLLF049z1EDcNubWK6STf3c2nTg4SIPlXwUoIMtkd_4aNHBB_AeXKmx6lJrrybmDo9dhegWwZj09iFEc1E8aaZp6jtn9mPGjAkmBbJ4KZmHCtREPnP-nJm5ax82gVw/s1600/Snapchat-789299764.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXtzGoneHVJLLF049z1EDcNubWK6STf3c2nTg4SIPlXwUoIMtkd_4aNHBB_AeXKmx6lJrrybmDo9dhegWwZj09iFEc1E8aaZp6jtn9mPGjAkmBbJ4KZmHCtREPnP-nJm5ax82gVw/s320/Snapchat-789299764.jpg" width="302" /></a></div>
<br />Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36726303.post-84194474508800451772015-07-13T18:53:00.002-04:002015-07-13T18:53:58.848-04:00Special Offer<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Went through my mailbox...a pile of
junk mail. Nothing unusual. Credit card offer, toss. Mailing labels,
toss. Another credit card, toss. Special offer for--wait, what?<br /></span></span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">"<b>Preferred Savings Form</b>. In order to guarantee that we reach the audience we are meant to serve, the Publisher is offering <i>The World of Cross Stitching </i>magazine to a selected few at over 65% off the cover price."</span></span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">So...I'm...the audience <i>The World of Cross Stitching</i> is meant to serve...?</span></span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">What? Is this related to my surprise subscription to <i>Vogue</i>?
Or is it because I'm now IN my 30s? Do they know I'm a cat lady without
cats? (...so far.) I mean, I won't lie to you--I have done cross
stitching within the last year. But how do they know? It's not like I'm
on amazon buying pattern books all day. Did I trip some weird hobby
signal? Does <i>World of Cross Stitching</i> just know? Do you think they employ a cross stitching psychic? WHY DID I GET THIS OFFER? </span></span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="gmail_default" style="font-family: georgia,serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Guys. I can't. I'm buying cats.</span></span></div>
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36726303.post-60737731346112326132015-05-12T19:06:00.000-04:002015-05-12T19:07:34.275-04:00Mysteries<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If you'd like to know why I disappeared for a thousand years (you noticed, right?), you can blame all the committees and boards I volunteered to join. You guys, I realized I don't have any hobbies because I sit on conference calls and task forces in my free time. (It's not sad. Shut up.) I'm going to start scheduling time for blog posts so I don't overbook myself.</span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">ANYWAY, I didn't come here today to talk about my schedule. I'm here because there are three things that have me absolutely baffled, so naturally I turn to you. Your insight would be welcome, should you have any. In no particular order...</span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">1. This November, I opened my mailbox to an issue of <i>Vogue</i>. Prepared to make the snowy trek to a neighbor's house to deliver their misplaced mail, I checked the address label. Me. My house.</span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Hmm. I did not subscribe to <i>Vogue</i>. I flipped through it and put it aside, convinced it was a weird glitch or one of those targeted campaigns where you get a couple issues of something but it's not really a subscription? And then another issue arrived in December. And January. I don't dislike <i>Vogue</i>, but I don't subscribe to any magazines. (Except, apparently, <i>Vogue</i>.) I'm confident I didn't do this. I logged onto the website with my subscription number and was rather surprised to find that I'm paid up for a year.</span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Did I drunkenly sign up for this? Or was I sleep shopping? I went and checked all my accounts--bank statement, credit card. I went back months. I investigated anything that wasn't explicitly labeled Target or Kroger or a coffee shop, to be sure. (Don't judge me, internet.) I looked at orders from other places to make sure I didn't sign up accidentally. I asked facebook, hoping a friend would say, "<i>Oh, you got my gift!</i>" Nothing.</span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Internet, I have no idea how I came into this <i>Vogue </i>subscription. It is still coming, and I suspect it will arrive until October. In the meantime, at least I'm set when I have a flight to catch. <b>Who's saving $5 per trip? This girl. </b></span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b style="background-color: #444444;"><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">2. I bought a purse. I needed a new clutch to take to weddings and fancy events and yes, I know what you're thinking--<i>you go to shitloads of weddings, Amanda. Are you telling us you don't have one of those by now? </i>No. That's not what I'm saying. I have several, but I bought most of them in my flip phone era--and none of them hold my smart phone. I've been slowly upgrading.</span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It was no problem. I found a lovely gold one at Target, big enough for my phone and a wedding favor and even a flask, if necessary. A tag boasted "detachable crossbody strap"! </span></div>
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje-iEpLYBQMX3DKrgWnA4cXtTo9_Rxo5DcZ5FtiidLAGnWT7EUK2Yt0mW2w6ybGqdSM9XZc528iUh39y8is-k3ahYR1frnugJ3oiplkP5VXwmPxJrDKygXT-3T9FtRKVQVBRefWA/s1600/20150512_184605.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje-iEpLYBQMX3DKrgWnA4cXtTo9_Rxo5DcZ5FtiidLAGnWT7EUK2Yt0mW2w6ybGqdSM9XZc528iUh39y8is-k3ahYR1frnugJ3oiplkP5VXwmPxJrDKygXT-3T9FtRKVQVBRefWA/s320/20150512_184605.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Y'all. </span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This is not a detachable crossbody strap. Ok...I guess <i>technically</i> it is. I can wear it across my body, assuming I like deodorant and sweat all over my purse. And sure, the strap is detachable--it's just not going to <b>re</b>attach easily. </span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizI1YWLlqhsNRFqhoGmGx35VPS8Uv-z1B6cVvcOyD4hRi0_OeLvIw52eSX6QF-IWs-f-vDJO5-qGj5rPJEWKLclSg126Sxw2bxyKIiCaG3JcOJ5v8MK0bLKqNy7hT-eO9oerBLUA/s1600/20150512_184709.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizI1YWLlqhsNRFqhoGmGx35VPS8Uv-z1B6cVvcOyD4hRi0_OeLvIw52eSX6QF-IWs-f-vDJO5-qGj5rPJEWKLclSg126Sxw2bxyKIiCaG3JcOJ5v8MK0bLKqNy7hT-eO9oerBLUA/s320/20150512_184709.jpg" width="180" /></span></a></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<b><span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Who added that tag and do they still have a job?</span></b></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<b><span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">3. I ordered Victoria's Secret online and when it arrived...I was disappointed. It should have fit a certain way and I was so, so wrong. The next day, I tried it on again, convinced that I had put it on wrong or something. Can you put on underwear <i>wrong </i>at 30 years old? Does that happen? Worth a shot, right?</span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> Nope, still not a good fit. And then I noticed the tag--a size smaller than I ordered. </span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I berated myself for being an idiot, and pulled up my order confirmation email. Nope, I ordered the correct size. I checked the invoice--wrong size listed. So there must have been a--wait a second.</span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">That name and address are <b>not </b>me. </span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Ok. VS sent my order to a random in New Jersey and their order to me. Great taste, you one-size-smaller bitch in New Jersey, but what the fuck? I was not pleased--maybe you saw my tweets. I mean, who wants their underwear shipped to a stranger, along with their name and address?? I emailed their customer service department and heard back quickly. A replacement order arrived 36 hours later. </span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I assumed we were all set. Until I got a letter in the mail, a couple weeks later, from Victoria's Secret. Addressed to RESIDENT. I shit you not. </span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu6qGI_VhLeBYff-WDUJn7B42QSD7c__QWFJWBDz7JN5zWMZeYnzBs_55lrOj7QBnGJag_59VuTH4KWzCr1wEQhHgEi_kFxkjeQBH3yZaeXQV4HDwq7MKk2ylEEi4Y8jtphn7yaA/s1600/20150512_184757-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" height="84" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu6qGI_VhLeBYff-WDUJn7B42QSD7c__QWFJWBDz7JN5zWMZeYnzBs_55lrOj7QBnGJag_59VuTH4KWzCr1wEQhHgEi_kFxkjeQBH3yZaeXQV4HDwq7MKk2ylEEi4Y8jtphn7yaA/s320/20150512_184757-1.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear RESIDENT, </span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We fucked up--can you help?</span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">NOPE. First of all, you have my name on file, VS. Seriously. Second of all, YOU ALREADY DEALT WITH THIS. I mean, I'm still irritated that my shit went somewhere else, but you did in fact handle the situation. I returned the missent items the next day. We reversed the Parent Trap. Things are good. A horrible letter to RESIDENT (my mom opened that, thanks) does not help anyone. <b>How did this happen? </b></span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="gmail_default">
<span style="background-color: #444444; color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Help me understand, internet. </span></div>
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36726303.post-20411887476119719922015-03-29T23:41:00.001-04:002015-03-29T23:41:59.468-04:00a little trip to iceland<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Friends, I went to Iceland recently. When the phone rings and your friend says, "I found a Groupon for a trip to Iceland and I think we should go,"...you say yes. You call your currency guy and pack lots of warm clothes and go to Reykjavik. </span><div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">How to make the most of your little trip to Iceland: </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Get cozy on the plane with a blanket and Icelandic lullaby. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX-itwtQ_btV_dg8RM2XI6LCUb1jPIGJdB8MUEvhe6yE1MvCKYH7ql9G03ZkJsfS_bfss2MlPtWQXfH0o-mvG9iPDI9IIeMRlefZJYn5Fc0D0bVA0Ajj9Vbaon1RdxwRdwIF7qqQ/s1600/IMG_20150311_205023.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX-itwtQ_btV_dg8RM2XI6LCUb1jPIGJdB8MUEvhe6yE1MvCKYH7ql9G03ZkJsfS_bfss2MlPtWQXfH0o-mvG9iPDI9IIeMRlefZJYn5Fc0D0bVA0Ajj9Vbaon1RdxwRdwIF7qqQ/s1600/IMG_20150311_205023.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Marvel at the difference between Best Western in Iceland and in the US.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyMyphbSTU6tj3oeVWGAX2ZVBF5vtGOT19tmzsXBo7_ggU3Ucye0-L2Zvwa3LYMJGGEV1XdFq5tSoBXcKg5tZp0DCJ4YZJcqg7MPzV6VS-YF1RK3yiB6FaGgVk2C2IcOKMMIouOw/s1600/20150312_095846.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyMyphbSTU6tj3oeVWGAX2ZVBF5vtGOT19tmzsXBo7_ggU3Ucye0-L2Zvwa3LYMJGGEV1XdFq5tSoBXcKg5tZp0DCJ4YZJcqg7MPzV6VS-YF1RK3yiB6FaGgVk2C2IcOKMMIouOw/s1600/20150312_095846.jpg" height="320" width="180" /></span></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Learn some Chuck Norris facts at the Chuck Norris Bar & Grill. Naturally.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYCS2vGzvgd09mUZfFZzLcRs3wADsZAfi2NT4uZ3JIDq2si3kAh0lRSOIeSZSO1aMFxmumBYYUsEdEFaxQrwq35hfAGBGaYvpptuVBiCDM-_gSt_TrfRINmjdf3pEU08o8NsMNgA/s1600/20150312_121440.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYCS2vGzvgd09mUZfFZzLcRs3wADsZAfi2NT4uZ3JIDq2si3kAh0lRSOIeSZSO1aMFxmumBYYUsEdEFaxQrwq35hfAGBGaYvpptuVBiCDM-_gSt_TrfRINmjdf3pEU08o8NsMNgA/s1600/20150312_121440.jpg" height="320" width="180" /></span></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Decide on a hashtag for the trip. #alittletriptoiceland</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvxdqICk_QDVQUfvGH9uzECOPNzy0ywv0WFj6uKjVvmetvdnN_rAx2KAcJxd2afbQkEyq8NhIcSIxXujh56BUWhjJwVqbIQwpgmIh3O086QMh07NT6AT4w58fP2ZctvKThLkUijw/s1600/20150312_143755.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvxdqICk_QDVQUfvGH9uzECOPNzy0ywv0WFj6uKjVvmetvdnN_rAx2KAcJxd2afbQkEyq8NhIcSIxXujh56BUWhjJwVqbIQwpgmIh3O086QMh07NT6AT4w58fP2ZctvKThLkUijw/s1600/20150312_143755.jpg" height="320" width="180" /></span></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Go to The Icelandic Phallological Museum. Learn that the 2008 Olympic silver medal handball team was honored for their contribution to Icelandic pride.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBCKQSR3d9i0N12c90ACTMm7tL2knEwiM1qGXlxaBwRZE7WDxojVys2m9lyHvS8TBXV6HNNX3mJEmzCclNab2M4JLmh4zV-KC-R_3Gs8z_kzMIrdSFSxLdOxhq5kPKTLtk3BtmsQ/s1600/20150312_152605.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBCKQSR3d9i0N12c90ACTMm7tL2knEwiM1qGXlxaBwRZE7WDxojVys2m9lyHvS8TBXV6HNNX3mJEmzCclNab2M4JLmh4zV-KC-R_3Gs8z_kzMIrdSFSxLdOxhq5kPKTLtk3BtmsQ/s1600/20150312_152605.jpg" height="320" width="180" /></span></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I GET IT REYKJAVIK YOU'RE GORGEOUS.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOkTl5Tqd8H0f8H7h_2BFESucMSaCqv5wsw0TC12RUAgxNxKULJ7liVl_AMQLrCttc4gKfHZmKZR2Avbbvp7tWtHQm_LC07Vs_Em5q66FKJtfuA8NbU7kQ4ecuLSDy15MuHWU4Ew/s1600/20150312_164158.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOkTl5Tqd8H0f8H7h_2BFESucMSaCqv5wsw0TC12RUAgxNxKULJ7liVl_AMQLrCttc4gKfHZmKZR2Avbbvp7tWtHQm_LC07Vs_Em5q66FKJtfuA8NbU7kQ4ecuLSDy15MuHWU4Ew/s1600/20150312_164158.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Check out the geysers.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ2TNVThIdAIpsci6y0xR8-CXmXM5H2KV83oZbwpchoocu8fqlpH8kQ-S9ABf9EMzMFgilvkIIFaObkXRwrnByMj4Xhyphenhypheny9GLCHfw0mE-MDrDiE4QCGmNUAeexAMAVu7IlHPDhlug/s1600/20150313_114752.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ2TNVThIdAIpsci6y0xR8-CXmXM5H2KV83oZbwpchoocu8fqlpH8kQ-S9ABf9EMzMFgilvkIIFaObkXRwrnByMj4Xhyphenhypheny9GLCHfw0mE-MDrDiE4QCGmNUAeexAMAVu7IlHPDhlug/s1600/20150313_114752.jpg" height="320" width="180" /></span></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Everyone is taking a selfie at this spot so jump on the bandwagon?</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhuMXt0CT-lRbB9xFXZsIbGRq-LR3F1Vr4iUIoIG6F7SseL3BZPxAowC-OdSApTuUlPwBAEQ1vvpypuLxL4mggVvMVtMV-QZb_L1jAu_Px0u3yDlVwWBO_OlwjxVRtRF8gd32TkA/s1600/20150313_120424.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhuMXt0CT-lRbB9xFXZsIbGRq-LR3F1Vr4iUIoIG6F7SseL3BZPxAowC-OdSApTuUlPwBAEQ1vvpypuLxL4mggVvMVtMV-QZb_L1jAu_Px0u3yDlVwWBO_OlwjxVRtRF8gd32TkA/s1600/20150313_120424.jpg" height="320" width="180" /></span></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Suffer way too much cold, wind, and rain but damn, that view.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy73iGENmMm274yr2IVdJq6dpHjdytyheHp3vyzp-XsZE-1xnhHT2K8wscDd5M3_hKrEKL_kJLANlhao8Wzf8x0uUVsGzT5D5oGBy_pGf5FvjBTgWIStJMKSYzxwGjEdY1Hxf7TQ/s1600/101_2549.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy73iGENmMm274yr2IVdJq6dpHjdytyheHp3vyzp-XsZE-1xnhHT2K8wscDd5M3_hKrEKL_kJLANlhao8Wzf8x0uUVsGzT5D5oGBy_pGf5FvjBTgWIStJMKSYzxwGjEdY1Hxf7TQ/s1600/101_2549.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Ah, traveling outside the US has some perks. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTL78zxEkknYZfPzb9Rg3uCeYQE1kl4cGc6DjIUG86I_1qH1wEgUwL0UJmN2VPA5HjFi_z-th9lx44maZcn5r_BvVhCNlRukYBxvb9XVRXhjefdlvszHl-xroAf_i4Dj-C1UhOaA/s1600/20150314_155223.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTL78zxEkknYZfPzb9Rg3uCeYQE1kl4cGc6DjIUG86I_1qH1wEgUwL0UJmN2VPA5HjFi_z-th9lx44maZcn5r_BvVhCNlRukYBxvb9XVRXhjefdlvszHl-xroAf_i4Dj-C1UhOaA/s1600/20150314_155223.jpg" height="320" width="180" /></span></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Go to the Big Lebowski themed bar (OF COURSE THERE IS) and try the local beverages.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidqH9wf-fR4NiiHfPsILYECs5HVjIV-b9UXCzRsJOSCc9urtHlFQ_8rKqs1Kg7zjQYQDktHSn_n_6jwYuYSg4FRrw17tc3Hje_5Vq6ITwlfGiVVrUQW-EM9Cn0x7tRS77g73wEng/s1600/20150312_141951.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidqH9wf-fR4NiiHfPsILYECs5HVjIV-b9UXCzRsJOSCc9urtHlFQ_8rKqs1Kg7zjQYQDktHSn_n_6jwYuYSg4FRrw17tc3Hje_5Vq6ITwlfGiVVrUQW-EM9Cn0x7tRS77g73wEng/s1600/20150312_141951.jpg" height="320" width="180" /></span></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Take an accidental photo of your carry on luggage.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiZsWw1MPRE7B2_l6QiLscksD49oQnwxnCKTsQbIRZ7n2s26L6VXyY7himqSRxX5diEhUOeqgV4Km7EhXEw5zU2VRLHlPgh_uzrkJM4m4QJhTY5N-JH-j2TyhVuvtMQthHjO7GuQ/s1600/20150315_141124.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiZsWw1MPRE7B2_l6QiLscksD49oQnwxnCKTsQbIRZ7n2s26L6VXyY7himqSRxX5diEhUOeqgV4Km7EhXEw5zU2VRLHlPgh_uzrkJM4m4QJhTY5N-JH-j2TyhVuvtMQthHjO7GuQ/s1600/20150315_141124.jpg" height="320" width="180" /></span></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Say hello to Greenland.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdftkJPLA8SDIRhdh6NG5NL2XopO6ZthLA0EzTz2yQviWMfnBogzj1I9wqzHEvJbhSpO4XDkRYPne_eF8xRcnAMSPMu_tAJBGksfVybMtTUnVXbD5QoGEAjBp5PVa8OWZGh99vcg/s1600/20150315_190542.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdftkJPLA8SDIRhdh6NG5NL2XopO6ZthLA0EzTz2yQviWMfnBogzj1I9wqzHEvJbhSpO4XDkRYPne_eF8xRcnAMSPMu_tAJBGksfVybMtTUnVXbD5QoGEAjBp5PVa8OWZGh99vcg/s1600/20150315_190542.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Take an unexpected detour to Pittsburgh instead of your planned detour through Boston. (You're on my list, JFK*.)</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSO8Vl4GL0VVh_Bf5jgjfewC7qbDvzjKftt92obBULD4JQr8d3ZjJK8Bn3V5Fy-0k9ryfz5J6ckD2G3KD8MdFSBS9UEzSfYrVK-_09ANuQ-hiNQmXtJlCJo2u4Sd_W1iYThfGhCA/s1600/20150316_070954.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSO8Vl4GL0VVh_Bf5jgjfewC7qbDvzjKftt92obBULD4JQr8d3ZjJK8Bn3V5Fy-0k9ryfz5J6ckD2G3KD8MdFSBS9UEzSfYrVK-_09ANuQ-hiNQmXtJlCJo2u4Sd_W1iYThfGhCA/s1600/20150316_070954.jpg" height="320" width="180" /></span></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">*The airport, not the president. </span></div>
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36726303.post-63617794187834849732015-02-26T10:59:00.002-05:002015-02-26T10:59:44.467-05:00The Worst Kind of People<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Forgive my absence, friends. I have been brimming with anger for well over a week now, but I have also been fiercely battling a full calendar. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I ventured into public on Valentine's Day. I realize this might be viewed as a rookie mistake, but it was in the pursuit of brunch! And for a breakfast cocktail, I will brave most of the elements, including the arctic temperatures, howling wind, and myriad couples that plagued Detroit on February 14th. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Brunch was surprisingly free of PDA--way to go, fellow diners. (And if you're in the Detroit area, I seriously recommend <a href="http://www.seldenstandard.com/" target="_blank">Selden Standard</a>--I've had both brunch and dinner there and it's fantastic.) But then...things took a turn. I went to the Detroit Institute of Arts, fully expecting to be assaulted by couples having a romantic afternoon, gross. And while yes, that did happen and it was gross, there was a definite high point and low point to the visit. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The DIA itself was excellent as usual. They were doing this really cool activity--they gave all the guests a red foam heart and asked them to place it in front of their favorite piece of art. It was awesome to walk around and see where everyone left them. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQG5aQYZlC6DlMTaIXbPeHjzwQNCiZ17_sXPqin8CBKtH05RLpPzXoWAoQy6YRN4WJttgnOpGDljhTsmPccYfKVWC6Tyx75rnHolgILtRkX9HK20ZrUzHmfPddUuFagFsiMSE-ww/s1600/20150214_152135.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQG5aQYZlC6DlMTaIXbPeHjzwQNCiZ17_sXPqin8CBKtH05RLpPzXoWAoQy6YRN4WJttgnOpGDljhTsmPccYfKVWC6Tyx75rnHolgILtRkX9HK20ZrUzHmfPddUuFagFsiMSE-ww/s1600/20150214_152135.jpg" height="320" width="180" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">A heartbroken museum-goer expressing their feelings? No, just an undecided museum patron. We found the other half later in front of another piece of art. Two favorites--that's fine. I felt better--because sure, hate on love...but who could hate art? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You know what I could definitely hate? The terrible event that I encountered next.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">A wedding. A WEDDING. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I wandered over to the Rivera frescoes and had to stop because there was a goddamn wedding party taking pictures! IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM. In the middle of the afternoon on a Valentine's Day Saturday! The museum was crazy busy and the Rivera room is arguably one of the most popular spots at the DIA and this bridal party is taking picture after picture after picture, right there, because they're the most important people in the world. They were lucky I was content from brunch, because that was basically the only thing stopping me from jumping in some bridal party portraits. Selfie with the bride? Almost happened. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">After my initial rage passed, I was struck by another thought, perhaps even more irritating than blocking a museum for your pictures. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i style="font-weight: bold;">They got married on Valentine's Day</i>. I mean...seriously? Somewhere, there were dozens* of dressed up people waiting for the reception to start! ON VALENTINE'S DAY. Now, the holiday is not important to me, and I would be very likely to schedule a root canal on February 14th without batting an eye. But some people, God knows why, actually like to celebrate Valentine's Day. It's not exactly a secret underground holiday. It's pretty publicized. How selfish do you have to be to decide that your love is such a special unique snowflake, that you're not only going to be the center of your spouse's attention that day, but all the important people in your life? Sorry friends, family, loved ones...your love is great and all but today is about me and MY relationship! <b>A Valentine's Day anniversary, how original. </b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">(And, on top of all that, you've now combined present holidays! Anniversary gift? Valentine's Day gift? You only get one now, sorry.) </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">UGH IT WAS THE WORST. It's one thing giving up a weekend for a wedding, but a holiday weekend? SELFISH AND UNORIGINAL.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">*Speculation. </span>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36726303.post-26755352238452289682015-02-09T10:45:00.000-05:002015-02-09T10:45:39.014-05:00I'm trying to help you. <b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Valentine's Day is this weekend. </span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Yes it is the worst.</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2_Z-zObwTZsOhqHtDEbHWp3sO1OG-gRsYYZNidiyU__GpFw66CKF1ZIs7y05v75qbA9iLaC-S_yg2cQvNmc6cEkxgiiZjr8G3Sl7vCO3tyx_ZMOdM8qqN6j6JWpcrYuRt1ryAQw/s1600/20150130_191633.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2_Z-zObwTZsOhqHtDEbHWp3sO1OG-gRsYYZNidiyU__GpFw66CKF1ZIs7y05v75qbA9iLaC-S_yg2cQvNmc6cEkxgiiZjr8G3Sl7vCO3tyx_ZMOdM8qqN6j6JWpcrYuRt1ryAQw/s1600/20150130_191633.jpg" height="320" width="180" /></span></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-small;">Looks like I'm headed right, then. </span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I know some of you celebrate the holiday, though. It is, after all, an <b>obligation holiday</b>. And no matter how casual or young your relationship might be, it feels like a dick move to ignore Valentine's Day. Because you're not dicks (at least, not all of you), many of you will end up browsing for a greeting card that expresses the perfect sentiment sometime in the next few days. And because I care about you**, I decided to check out the selection while I was shopping, in hopes of giving you some suggestions. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Yikes</b>. Guys, it's real rough. Every single card I picked up featured the L word. They're all predictably sappy and wordy and WE GET IT YOU'RE IN LOVE, but at least I expected that garbage. But they're alllllllll about love. And I realized that a lot of you can't give that to your partner, for various reasons. Mainly, that you haven't said that yet or that you don't mean it anymore. So...two reasons. But those are two big reasons! And you can't very well get a card shouting the L word in those situations! What's a Valentine shopper to do?!</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Chill out--I've got your back. Knowing that commercial greeting cards seldom cover the range of emotions the average shopper is looking to express, I've created a line of cards you can use. I think they cover the ground missed by Hallmark and their competitors. I hope you'll find them useful. They're suitable for printing or texting. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcMKX_MNq7Mnj0DmgnWgUqYJl89hR1JAd40Ng6Vid4CJIN7b0YkL8PYUlDfjGbCnN4QIs5CGfMBhvhJOGIq-pytmd6aiuLjTkl-rNX7G_P02gynlRGKQ0iDlDLdDqUMih-6oZ77g/s1600/20150206_152747-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcMKX_MNq7Mnj0DmgnWgUqYJl89hR1JAd40Ng6Vid4CJIN7b0YkL8PYUlDfjGbCnN4QIs5CGfMBhvhJOGIq-pytmd6aiuLjTkl-rNX7G_P02gynlRGKQ0iDlDLdDqUMih-6oZ77g/s1600/20150206_152747-1.jpg" height="320" width="223" /></span></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnz5YLlvMt0ShHpMuVyOcGDQDanqg_QQCesoZfksPdakpotHf9UcRLJ0QJSlb7GSrINutTQOtFyFbXgrky4HfI3jkcOeUawqHTa-i4efBhp9MNgpAaIkddGEdl7a_-C0q7W7YdrA/s1600/20150206_152806-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnz5YLlvMt0ShHpMuVyOcGDQDanqg_QQCesoZfksPdakpotHf9UcRLJ0QJSlb7GSrINutTQOtFyFbXgrky4HfI3jkcOeUawqHTa-i4efBhp9MNgpAaIkddGEdl7a_-C0q7W7YdrA/s1600/20150206_152806-1.jpg" height="320" width="224" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVJgYBigAi8-XSvo-YfCwEXKuggtk5XdhhDaM6pH3WpzdgamzMQkyv7eaUBEAmvV8dDoqSJ-q2cYQO9KX8scnRxd6Sc17M09xw1WNpaMbc2k6qeWn7cuvSOQS4C7Bo4WzacYXo7A/s1600/20150206_152845-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVJgYBigAi8-XSvo-YfCwEXKuggtk5XdhhDaM6pH3WpzdgamzMQkyv7eaUBEAmvV8dDoqSJ-q2cYQO9KX8scnRxd6Sc17M09xw1WNpaMbc2k6qeWn7cuvSOQS4C7Bo4WzacYXo7A/s1600/20150206_152845-1.jpg" height="320" width="223" /></a></span></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3F8WDRiho7YbMvRFeck5i8v8Nf-aj_vJQe3s0aZnTTGd5-SRr6tfB25WuTw73Z3woQIf-a0kcbi_6NEAAJC7QboMKGQdQZUaMCQ9-7ABfMbBNCXYso0Slpyg3xxO9F-0MkWt4zw/s1600/20150206_152900-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3F8WDRiho7YbMvRFeck5i8v8Nf-aj_vJQe3s0aZnTTGd5-SRr6tfB25WuTw73Z3woQIf-a0kcbi_6NEAAJC7QboMKGQdQZUaMCQ9-7ABfMbBNCXYso0Slpyg3xxO9F-0MkWt4zw/s1600/20150206_152900-1.jpg" height="320" width="223" /></span></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjksM3V_wPma3-Fk4VR-si8kZxPgTYz7FYl8SIae11suTMFpPVIW06QbriH9f-ZO8gGES3kzQVRiLjlFg-vjCjMYkrekxHi6CR2sC4fE8oU4sJsLerq7w7rFU_p-2nUS7zBQpWbGA/s1600/20150206_152829-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjksM3V_wPma3-Fk4VR-si8kZxPgTYz7FYl8SIae11suTMFpPVIW06QbriH9f-ZO8gGES3kzQVRiLjlFg-vjCjMYkrekxHi6CR2sC4fE8oU4sJsLerq7w7rFU_p-2nUS7zBQpWbGA/s1600/20150206_152829-1.jpg" height="320" width="226" /></span></a></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Enjoy!</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">**sort of. </span></div>
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36726303.post-39672041219472932262015-01-14T10:17:00.000-05:002015-01-14T10:18:17.668-05:00Single Women and Single Men<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Did I ever tell you I work in a library now? After I quit teaching, I switched gears a little and now I'm in a library. It's pretty great, even if middle aged men call me honey a little too often and I hadn't realized how attached baby boomers are to Internet Explorer. </span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Working in a library has been cool for finding new books, though, that is for sure. (Like the <i><a href="http://bitteramandaspeaks.blogspot.com/2014/10/learning-my-love-type.html" target="_blank">Love Birds</a></i> book.) I found a couple books recently that I thought you all might appreciate. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The first is <i><a href="http://books.simonandschuster.com/Are-You-My-Boyfriend/C-B-Bryza/9781476731551" target="_blank">Are You My Boyfriend?</a> </i>by C.B. Bryza. It's an adorable and relevant parody of <i>Are You My Mother?</i> and it's fantastic. I liked it, even though --spoiler alert-- it gets a little sappy at the end. Considering how often we talk about "is this a date?" around here, I had to read it. The single main character wanders around, posing the title question to all the men she encounters. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgww513zpwPg4R0ZugI1XM65VFJNXcKGc9cXi4aRtFYfEdgqIX3DiAOc4wRUI8K8HY5dATeNkU5qcQqFwEY3j5csYFd5MEo6jX-2hADsal4E-oBMuz9iR-jRA4qW6ewZ9l3Qo96CQ/s1600/20141226_165055.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgww513zpwPg4R0ZugI1XM65VFJNXcKGc9cXi4aRtFYfEdgqIX3DiAOc4wRUI8K8HY5dATeNkU5qcQqFwEY3j5csYFd5MEo6jX-2hADsal4E-oBMuz9iR-jRA4qW6ewZ9l3Qo96CQ/s1600/20141226_165055.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div>
<br />
Picture books for grown ups. Yes please. </div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The second book is <i><a href="http://haikuforthesinglegirl.com/" target="_blank">Haiku for the Single Girl</a></i> by Beth Griffenhagen. I cried laughing. I would like to tell you about my favorite but I had at least a dozen. Just read it. I assure you, you'll find your spirit haiku. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I've been pondering these books for a few days. (I'll admit that like, 10% of it is <i>why can't I accomplish something kickass like that?</i>) This pondering is not about the trials and tribulations attached to singledom. I consider that plenty, thanks. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Friends send me all kinds of self-help relationship books**, websites and blogs, and personal anecdotes, so I am positive that women struggle to find a decent, available, adult man. (Women who are seeking men, that is. I I haven't heard much from women looking for a decent, available, adult woman, so I won't speak to that here.) We rant about it with our friends, joke about it on sitcoms, cry about it in the shower, drink about it at family gatherings...single women looking for love is an industry. <b>Look at the books I checked out from the library. </b>Sure, there are plenty of women who are content being single, and plenty who enjoy casual dating without the dreaded emotions that come along with relationships. But some women are seriously unhappy with their search for Mr. Tolerable. </span></div>
<div>
<b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So fine. There are sad, lonely women out there, waiting for the romantic comedy portion of their lives to come to a conclusion. I get it. We all get it. <b>So...what about the dudes?</b> I have fewer male followers on twitter and facebook, and fewer male blog commenters, so I assume fewer male readers. And I suppose that makes sense...it probably has a no boys allowed clubhouse feel around here sometimes, since I do so often complain about men. (STOP ACTING FOOLISH AND I WILL STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME.) But let's be real--men are single too. At least, I'm guessing some of you are still single, even though I only seem to meet the married ones. Yet we seldom hear about your quest for love. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Are you not miserable in your search? Is it easier for you to find decent women? Are you suffering in silence or not suffering at all? Are you consuming books and movies and sitcom moments where men commiserate and wish for nice women to come along but keeping them from us? TELL ME. Because I don't come across a lot of books for men trying to be better at relationships. I don't get many letters from men asking why women are so confusing. Am I truly supposed to believe that for every miserable woman trying to get a nice man to ask her to dinner, there is a contented bachelor hoping he can sneak out of her apartment before she wakes up, as television and movies have shown? </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I want answers. </span></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">**I have an alarming number of self-help relationship books, guys. AND I LOVE THEM.</span></div>
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36726303.post-70862413115126777852015-01-06T10:34:00.000-05:002015-01-06T10:34:00.315-05:00Here's to the new year. <span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Some of you may recall that despite some fun adventures, <a href="http://bitteramandaspeaks.blogspot.com/2013/12/obligatory-end-of-2013-post.html" target="_blank">2013 was not my best year</a>. I had high hopes for 2014. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And let me tell you--2014 delivered. I started a new job and was promoted shortly after. And I'm really enjoying it. Like, I had forgotten what it was like to enjoy your job without waking up in the middle of the night convinced it was time to get up and eat breakfast or take a shower before your twin tells you that no, you have like 4 hours left to sleep and please go back to bed. I don't miss that sort of job stress. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I had a lot of fun adventures. including five days in Guatemala and a trip to Disney World to cheer on my BFF. I hung out in Pittsburgh and Washington DC and Boston and Smith College and Dallas and Maine and Bloomington and a shocking number of places in Ohio. I'm really grateful I have the kind of job and family that are very understanding of my desire to leave all the time. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>I only went to three weddings.</b> This is huge. SUCH an improvement over last year's five. I mean, the 2015 invitations and engagement announcements are already pouring in, but at least last year was light. Also,I only got tricked into one bouquet toss--and that was through an inappropriate use of Beyonce so really I can't be blamed. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There were babies! AND NOT MINE, which is also a huge win for 2014. Two wonderful friends and my nephew all had babies this year and I'm mapping out strategies for taking the Best Aunt title. (Unrelated question: what's the age where it stops being weird and inappropriate to buy alcohol for minors and becomes a cool thing to do? Nevermind, I definitely have at least a couple years to figure it out.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Lots of family members are getting engaged or married or having babies, and while this is by itself is not necessarily exciting for me, it means that they have the attention of all the aunts--who are therefore NOT ASKING ME when I'm getting married. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My boyfriend didn't break up with me by ignoring me! Hooray! This is totally a win for 2014 AND YES THAT IS NOW PART OF THE CRITERIA. One thing is for sure here, and that is that <b>standards were a little lower at the onset of 2014</b>. Things like, <i>did I cry in the shower every day or just occasionally? </i>became important indicators. </span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Yes, 2014 was pretty great. And I have high hopes for 2015. Why is that? Because it's already January 6th and I haven't cried in the shower ONCE. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEQu0XG8A7oGmjHCc1KWQMhY9iVWHRDsgKe0lq2lw5y1GuRH5DZPgkRd9kDq2j5o7Bm97DERPjd3WiW7QFpeqqHGc3AHZwqHOdFrOxP99KU6iCdUQfjPUeXzFYVEwmuWE6uZldRQ/s1600/20140802_203416.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEQu0XG8A7oGmjHCc1KWQMhY9iVWHRDsgKe0lq2lw5y1GuRH5DZPgkRd9kDq2j5o7Bm97DERPjd3WiW7QFpeqqHGc3AHZwqHOdFrOxP99KU6iCdUQfjPUeXzFYVEwmuWE6uZldRQ/s1600/20140802_203416.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36726303.post-89200033399241322452014-12-10T11:18:00.000-05:002014-12-10T11:43:33.982-05:00BREAKING: Terrible Marriage News<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Here's some shitty news about marriage. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">No, I'm not talking about the divorce rate. This is much worse than that. I'm talking about <b>re</b>marriage. Some study found that 40% of marrying couples have at least one spouse who has already been married. FORTY PERCENT*. And apparently, it's becoming increasingly common for those 55 and older to get remarried. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS? MORE WEDDINGS. I hadn't even considered SECOND marriages yet! I'm still deciding if I want chicken or fish at your FIRST round of weddings! But ohhhh no, it's not over when I'm the last single one standing! Then I'll have to console you over your divorces, which I'm sure will suck and I'm sorry about your emotional roller coaster, etc. But then you jerks will fall in love AGAIN and have ANOTHER wedding and you'll send me ANOTHER save the date and WHEN WILL THE CYCLE END? And on top of that, it seems you'll be continuing to plan weddings well into your 60s so I'll be attending weddings until the end of time. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I can tell you one thing, friends. I'm not fucking around at your second weddings. It will be my opportunity to fix all the mistakes I made at your first wedding. I'm wearing my converse. I'm snapchatting and tweeting <i>everything</i>---for your scrapbook or whatever. I'm bringing a onesie to wear on the dance floor. I'm appointing myself flower girl. Oh, your daughter is the flower girl? Fine: HEAD flower girl. I'm choosing my own seat. I'm sneaking drinks to the slightly underaged children from your first marriages. I'm not getting up for the fucking bouquet toss, even if you call me out. (IT WILL ONLY BE ME ANYWAY, JUST HAND ME THE FLOWERS.) <b>I am coming to party. </b>And since I'll be the only single human in attendance, I don't care about impressing your groomsmen. (But if any of them are divorced please shoot me an email in advance. Be a doll.) </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You better hope your first marriages work out, friends. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr03/2013/3/19/7/anigif_enhanced-buzz-3387-1363692183-9.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr03/2013/3/19/7/anigif_enhanced-buzz-3387-1363692183-9.gif" height="179" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>I'm not making a scene, </i>you're<i> making a scene.</i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Good news: this article got me on Huffington Post's radar and they keep asking me to sign up for their divorce newsletter. So...there's that. </span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">*I found it on Huffington Post, guys, so I have no idea how they conducted the study or who they polled. Just go with my righteous indignation here. FORTY PERCENT. </span></div>
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36726303.post-55698481827975924962014-11-25T11:38:00.000-05:002014-11-25T11:38:00.396-05:00Not your typical Thanksgiving post. <span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>This has been sitting in my drafts for weeks. I come back to it frequently, but my words are always a tangle. I want to edit it and finish it all the time. Last night I decided that perhaps my words on this issue will never untangle, but that I might feel better if I just post the damn thing. </i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm not here to list all the things I'm thankful for this holiday season. Because honestly, there are a lot. I'm a lucky woman with a pretty awesome life. But that's not what I'm here to say. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
Not in this moment. In this moment...I am sad. I am sad in a way that cannot be expressed. I am sad and frustrated and angry in the pit of my stomach and it radiates outward to my whole being. I look at the world around me, and know that we can do better.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
Earlier this month, I spent a day at the hospital while my niece came into the world. It was 11 hours in a hospital waiting room and even though that <i>sounds </i>uncomfortable and boring, it was one of the best days I've had in a long time. I spent it with my family and everyone was full of joy and we didn't argue once and yeah, that's something of an accomplishment. She was born into a beautiful, loving, strange, wonderful family. I adore her; she's perfect. I made a collage for the background of my phone, of her and the other babies in my life. And it probably looks weird; I probably seem like I'm one step away from building a house of candy in the woods somewhere. But I look at them, the children of family and friends--these pieces of my heart--and I want them to be safe. I want to know that when they grow up it will be in a world that's just and kind and supportive. I want more for them than what we've cultivated.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
I come here and rant about my ex boyfriends and I whine about being single and we joke about my fear of commitment and yes, it can get a little bit angry. It's all true...my love life is abysmal and I have dated some dickheads, but honestly, I believe in kindness and treating people with respect. (Sorry if that shatters any illusions for you, but please know that I will always complain about my exes and being reprimanded for forgetting to flush** when I got up to pee in the middle of the night. I remain terrible at dating. Rest easy.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
We're not doing a good enough job. We treat people who are different from us like shit and we treat a lot of people who aren't different at all like shit and we treat the world around us like shit and in the end...a lot of us treat each other badly, far too often. The sadness and anger I'm feeling threaten to become toxic. I worry that if it stays too long it will infect everything good in my life. I have the same worry for everyone I hear crying out that things have to change. So we need to try. We need to find ways to love each other and fix what's broken. We need to help each other figure it all out and try to understand each other and lift each other up instead of stepping on each other. We have to try. I know that's a very broad, sweeping, naive, privileged way of looking at it...but it's a start, right? It's all I have in this moment, besides sadness and anger and frustration--and I'd rather not pass those along. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
<br />
We need to do better. I have a tiny niece who deserves better from this world. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
**Yes that happened. It was just pee--it's not like he had to face a tampon in the morning. SORRY I'M NOT AT MY BEST AT 3AM, YOUR HIGHNESS. Put on your big boy pants and flush it your damn self. </span>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36726303.post-74249850399918427452014-11-05T10:29:00.000-05:002014-11-05T10:29:00.474-05:00Casual Weekend in Guatemala<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I just spent five days in Guatemala, for a wedding. As you do. At least a third of the guests were American, most of the rest were Guatemalan, and there were a handful of internationals. (I spent the rehearsal dinner with a Colombian, a Czech, and a German.) It was one big, awesome adventure. However, I arrived home exhausted. Blogging was lower on my priority list than sleep and laundry and getting to work on time. So now that I've recovered, let's review the highlights:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I was reunited with friends I haven't seen in six years. They're amazing people. It's funny how six years felt like nothing, as if we'd been apart just a few days. I've said it before, but my friends are truly the most remarkable thing in my life. I don't deserve them. I also made some new friends. The universe put me in the right place, ok? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I stayed at this fantastic hotel. </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFldWe8xp3BIrB8E698VkLQxG6PpXlp-YGTQ81wXo0R5_eFCKsrjzjb1E0MCk_UjPyV3UA9K8aWMGih_N_3b8VKZDf_luRQALZRomlAM_d89l-U3WcbZl7TXC472SWnKx7JQu0EQ/s1600/20141023_161025.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFldWe8xp3BIrB8E698VkLQxG6PpXlp-YGTQ81wXo0R5_eFCKsrjzjb1E0MCk_UjPyV3UA9K8aWMGih_N_3b8VKZDf_luRQALZRomlAM_d89l-U3WcbZl7TXC472SWnKx7JQu0EQ/s1600/20141023_161025.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></span></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-small;">Just, you know, stepping stones over a pond to get to my room. Whatever.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My friend has a great new husband, even if they tricked us to do the bouquet toss--using Beyonce! I felt so betrayed. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Coffee, dancing, drinks, way too much food because they fed us really well, and handsome Guatemalan men. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Yes, I know--my weekend was better than yours. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">During all the wedding events, we had some conversations about wedding customs in different places. It was rather fascinating, since you know I've become a bit of a wedding connoisseur. One thing that I love is a German tradition called Polterabend. On the night before the wedding, friends of the couple come over and eat and hang out, then they smash porcelain on the ground! Plates, cups, sinks, toilets, whatever. They smash it. And make a loud mess! And it's supposed to bring luck? And then the couple has to clean it up and that's some kind of bonding experience about all the shit they'll have to clean up together in their lives. That part sounds less fun, but the smashing! Sounds great! </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Just throwing out the idea in case any of my many engaged friends want to consider it. I'm totally ready to break shit, In honor of your love. Or whatever. </span></div>
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36726303.post-76528131145258471832014-10-21T10:15:00.000-04:002014-10-21T10:15:00.714-04:00On a serious note. <span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Alright guys, Real Talk. </span><div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I've seen a lot of articles floating around lately about the terrible lesson we're teaching men by constantly turning them down by saying we have boyfriends. And I have concerns. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We're talking about men who hit on you and only back down when you say you're in a relationship--because it can't possibly be something to do with <i>them</i>, but simply that you're taken. First of all, yes I think it's atrocious that a significant other, either real or imagined on the spot, is the only thing that will stop some men from hitting on you. I also think it says something terribly unflattering about those guys--that they don't respect you and your no thanks, but they will respect whatever guy you tell them you're dating. It's awful. Ok? </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So what I keep reading is that we as women should stop playing into this and making up boyfriends or husbands or girlfriends or anybody at all. We should teach this lesson that our <i>no</i> should be just as powerful as our <i>no I'm in a relationship</i>. We should change the culture around being hit on and let these men learn to deal with a little rejection. I'm all for that. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>In theory. </b>I want to be a part of this movement. I want to help <b>now</b>, because I don't want the toddlers in my life to be in their 20s and still making up big, muscular, jealous boyfriends just because they don't want to dance with some random. But the practice of this is a little less...practical. For me, anyway. And maybe for you too. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There are times when I'm happy to stand behind my no just because I'm not interested, and not feel this pressure to lie to a grown man who can't take a little bruise to his ego. Then...then there are times when a big, tall guy wraps his arms around me to ask if he can take me out. And I assess the situation, trying not to panic. In that situation, I'm not about teaching anybody any lesson. I'm about getting out of the situation and back to my friends. I'm about taking care of myself. So if, in those situations or anything remotely similar, I think that the quickest way out is to say I have a boyfriend, then I will absolutely do it. Every single time.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Because it's a good lesson to teach. And I'm all for doing my part. But it's just that--<b>part</b>. We can't be expected to do all the work. And we can't be expected to feel unsafe while we do it. </span></div>
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36726303.post-91579777973229602152014-10-14T10:11:00.000-04:002014-10-14T10:11:09.043-04:00Flying Solo<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I've never lived alone. I've always had family or roommates or a dozen other summer camp counselors. The closest I've ever gotten was living in a single room in my dorm in college. (Mere feet away from dozens of friends.) So when I agreed to house and dog sit recently, I knew it would be a whole new world.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It was eye-opening. Here are some things I learned about myself:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">1. Some of my standards are lower than I thought. I only flush the toilet when it's necessary or when I'm entertaining guests. (On the plus side, I know how and when to clean.) Is this gross? Maybe. But at least it's earth-friendly. And yesterday I wanted to take a nap. I arrived home from work to a bed covered in books, my laptop, and laundry baskets full of clothes I washed last week and didn't bother to fold. I looked at that and thought, hey I can take this nap if I move everything. Then I imagined myself taking the time to do that and thought again. I napped on the floor directly next to my bed. I didn't even consider moving to another room to find a couch. I would make the same decision over again. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">2. I really want a dog.*</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">3. I am not shy. Ask how many doors I closed during those ten days.**</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">4. If I could get all my exercise via solo dance parties, I would be much, much happier. I pretty much dance partied around that house every day, despite my dog friend not giving a shit. Sorry not sorry neighbors.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">5. I talk to myself, out loud, all the damn time.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">6. I may not know how to use every corkscrew I come across, but I'll figure it out. Because I'm highly motivated. </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMA719Xt4YKJVkUy_NXMlSQu-CtBRl6d3Nxfbp-zvjlKt252CpdziR8WfUUZpXR1YsTSkZGtQhQu_o1o0TBIwCsr5ud5Uh7AtAfaW_SAUxwLzsqN3-6ScT9Q_BsmMNGUCKSGjcjQ/s1600/IMG_20140924_192356.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMA719Xt4YKJVkUy_NXMlSQu-CtBRl6d3Nxfbp-zvjlKt252CpdziR8WfUUZpXR1YsTSkZGtQhQu_o1o0TBIwCsr5ud5Uh7AtAfaW_SAUxwLzsqN3-6ScT9Q_BsmMNGUCKSGjcjQ/s1600/IMG_20140924_192356.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-small;">Way more complicated than it looks. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">7. Did I mention I want a dog?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">*Not a new discovery but still worth noting.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">**If you guessed 1-3 and only when other people were in the house, you'd be correct. </span>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36726303.post-48731510177270178202014-10-08T10:30:00.000-04:002014-10-08T10:30:11.409-04:00Learning my "love type"...<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When I discovered <i>Lovebirds </i>by Trevor Silvester at work, I knew I had to read it. Written by a couples therapist/bird watcher, it promised to identify my love type from a set of birds--AND how to live with me. I mean, come on. I NEED to know my lovebird. Need. Must know. I didn't even know that "love types" were a thing. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And so I shamelessly checked it out from the local library. Yes, people I know at the checkout desk, I AM reading self-help relationship books. FOR RESEARCH AND SCIENCE AND STUFF. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We got off on the wrong foot when Silvester states, on the first page of the introduction, that I'm not so much living a life as a slow, painful pre-death coma. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"If you live in a supportive, loving state of intimacy you live longer, healthier, happier, and more successful lives." How dare you, sir. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Things improved a bit on page 13 where the author says the first stages of a relationship actually make you a little crazy, since your body is going insane with love chemicals*. (See? SCIENCE.) So he basically says people in love are nuts, which I can totally see. It's something I've been saying for years. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I took the quizzes to learn my lovebird, which I'm a little disappointed to report feels a bit Myers-Briggs-esque. Not because I'm against the Myers-Briggs, or because it was poorly done, but because I was hoping for more straight up bird behavior comparisons. ("Peacocks look gorgeous but if you approach them too quickly at the zoo they'll go apeshit and make scary noises until you run away. Sound familiar?") I wasn't disappointed enough to stop reading the book though. I told you, I had to know my lovebird. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The good news is that my prediction was wrong--I'm not a crow. (Loud, obnoxious, and who really wants them hanging around for very long?)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm an Owl/Dove. (Owl is my first one, but Dove was two points behind, in which case the author recommends reading both profiles. Here's a cool fun fact: <b>I'm a rare bird</b>. No, really. Apparently I'm not a common combination? LIKE YOU DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW THAT. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So, I'm an Owl/Dove. I didn't even have to read the profiles to know that makes sense. Think about it. Owls are a symbol of wisdom and they have an outstanding Resting Bitch Face. Doves are symbols of peace who are forced to attend a lot of weddings and flee the scene as soon as they're allowed. <b>Sound like anyone you know? </b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">(I actually thought the profiles for my types were pretty on point. Particularly the Owl part. In particular...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Owls spend a lot of time talking to themselves." Accurate.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And the best possible analysis. <b>"And then there's the foreign world of emotions."</b> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Additionally, Doves need puppies. "A lack of physical contact will leave them feeling lonely and they'll often have a pet to provide a source of affection." The author is telling me to adopt a pack of dogs. You're getting that vibe too, right? Trevor Silvester, I was a little skeptical, but it is clear that you get me.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The cool part about reading this book if you're single is that a good portion of it is dedicated to how to handle relationships for every bird combination. Since I'm perpetually alone, I skipped this part and finished the book in like 45 minutes. New record! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If you're curious, you can <a href="http://www.lovebirdsbook.com/lovebirds-quiz/" target="_blank">take the lovebirds quiz</a>--let me know what you get! </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.lovebirdsbook.com/cms/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/owl-300x210.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.lovebirdsbook.com/cms/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/owl-300x210.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">*Technical term. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36726303.post-47152730667928819332014-09-29T10:01:00.000-04:002014-09-29T10:01:00.065-04:00Friends with Exes<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You know that period after a breakup, where you fantasize about various situations where you run into your ex, and finally get to tell them off or get your revenge or whatever? (One of my more elaborate ones involved me actually suggesting a Kickstarter to friends to make it happen. I would tell you I'm not proud, but to this day I'm pretty sure it would be funded.) Those fantasies help you get through your breakup, because <i>imagining</i> your ex begging for forgiveness in front of all your coworkers until you tell him to stop, he's making a scene and then security escorts him out...I mean, that feels pretty good. <i>In your head</i>. Because in reality, if your ex showed up at work, it would be a total nightmare. </span><div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And exes do show up. It's not usually at your parents' house during Sunday family dinner so he can apologize for ruining your life. It's usually accidental and messy. Oh yeah...and online. It'll happen online. We all know it's the worst. And yet...when we're on the other side...it's so tempting...</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Well it's his birthday. I should tell him happy birthday. Just because I ended our relationship doesn't mean I want him to have a shitty birthday, right? It's harmless. </span></i></div>
<div>
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Stop that. I'm saying this to you and to me. It's a tough decision, I know. <b>But when do you let go of an ex?</b> I'm not talking about avoiding them, because that's basically impossible. Given geography, mutual friends, and technology, you're probably going to run into an ex somehow. (Particularly technology. At least your mutual friends KNOW you broke up and don't want to see each other. Facebook is like, hey you have 37 mutual friends with this guy--maybe you should friend him! YES FACEBOOK I KNOW HIM. WE BROKE UP. YOU KNOW THAT, TOO. YOU KNOW EVERYTHING. You can keep track of what dresses I'm checking out on ModCloth but you can't remember who I digitally broke up with? I call bullshit.) </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Occasionally, an ex of mine will pop up somewhere on the internet I forgot about when I cleaned him out of my life. He recommended a book on Goodreads? He still uses Goodreads? Delete. Oh yeah, we WERE connected on LinkedIn...not anymore. I don't need to see that. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There's no solid rule about contact with exes, and every relationship and subsequent breakup is a special little snowflake, blah blah blah, so you can't exactly go around making up hard and fast rules. So I don't have anything useful to tell you, as usual. But since this issue came up recently for a friend, I thought I'd tackle it just in case. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Here are the few rules I use when it comes to getting in touch with exes. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">1. If I did the dumping, I let him come to me. He gets to set the terms of our post-breakup "friendship." Sure, maybe I said <i>let's just be friends</i>, but after that I'm letting him take the lead on it. If and when he's ready to be friendly, he can let me know. (And you're sitting there like, well what if he never calls? Then you really, really broke him and he never calls. Get over it.)</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">2. If I was dumped, then I cut off contact. No drunk texts, no sad voicemails, no tweets, and for god's sake no poking on Facebook. None. Shut it down. When (if) the time comes that I am no longer still in love with him and can really, <b><i>honestly</i></b> be just friends with him, I'll test the waters. (TEST the waters, not dive in headfirst.) You'll notice the emphasis on honesty here. You've got to be genuinely over him in order to forge a new post-relationship friendship. Sorry.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">3. If I work with him, in any way, including volunteer stuff or him coming in to my place of work as a patron/customer, then it's polite civility. He's not worth having to chat with my boss about casually calling a customer a dickhead. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Sometimes you can be friends with an ex. And sometimes you really, really can't. </span></div>
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36726303.post-8702243287050405932014-09-18T10:45:00.000-04:002014-09-18T10:45:00.532-04:00Throwback Thursday<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">A few years ago, I met my mom at work for some retirement party or holiday party or some other event. Whatever, it was a social function after work and I worked in the neighboring building and was tight with a lot of her coworkers. During this party of questionable origin, one of her coworkers I wasn't particularly approached me and naturally asked if I was single. (And I won't leave you in suspense, dear readers. Yes, I was single.) So she starts going on and on about her single son and she shows me his picture and I say yes, he's very handsome and cool he has a career that's great and she fumbles with a cell phone she doesn't know how to use and snaps what I'm certain was a mediocre photo of me to show him. </span><div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">A couple weeks go by and I get this facebook friend request from the guy so I accept him. I immediately stalk him an appropriate amount: enough to get a sense of who he is (what I'm saying here is does the guy have a million profile pictures with his arm around a woman, you know that's the first thing you look for) and he seemed normal. I figured him friending me was the equivalent of asking for my phone number and so when I accepted the request, that was me saying, <i>here you go call me sometime</i>. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Apparently not. I waited like three days and heard nothing so I figured, ok fine I'll like his profile picture or something to get the ball rolling. Only when I searched for him he showed up NOT MY FRIEND ANYMORE. That guy unfriended me within three days without saying a word. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">New record. </span></div>
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36726303.post-23095580934073127672014-09-10T09:55:00.000-04:002014-09-10T09:55:00.026-04:00Alone at a Wedding <span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I've never planned a wedding. Well...actually I have. What I mean to say is that I've never <i>paid for </i>a wedding. But even without that hands on experience, I am certain that getting married is expensive.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">For this reason, and for the sake of not having a bunch of randoms at "the most special day" of your life, I'm not offended when I don't get to bring a date to your wedding. (I'm assuming you don't give me a +1 because you're trying to save money, right? It's not because you don't think I could find a date? Because trust me, I could <b>find </b>a date if I had to. I totally could. I could find like ten dates.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Wait, what were we talking about--oh right. I totally don't mind being invited by myself to a wedding.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But...</span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You knew there was a "but..." right?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But sometimes a date would be awesome. For example, <b>at a family wedding</b>. Unless you're really close to your cousins who will also be attending, family weddings can get really boring, really fast. It's not like you can flirt with anyone there, either, unless you're 100% positive you're not related to them. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Or <b>a wedding where you don't know a lot of people</b>. Sure, you and the groom are really good friends,but you guys don't hang out with anyone else from the office fantasy football league where you met. It's not like you'll know anyone else at the wedding. Who will you talk to and judge people with? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Or, you know, the most common one lately, <b>weddings without many single people</b>. This <a href="http://bitteramandaspeaks.blogspot.com/2014/08/wedding-tips-for-singles-yes-really.html" target="_blank">keeps happening</a>. It's simple, really. The more weddings we attend, the more of our friends are married. People couple up. They don't <i>need</i> to find a date. They have a date. Permanently. Legally. But not everyone! Some of us are in this for the long haul, vying to win <i>Survivor: Forever Alone</i>. (AND I. WILL. WIN.) Now I'm not saying I want your wedding to be a speed dating event, but let's be real--the DJ <i>will</i> play slow music and all the couples will dance. At weddings back when lots of us were single, this was a good opportunity to find a cute boy and flirt with him on the dance floor. But as the crowd slowly evolves into a more married, coupled sort of group...who the hell do I dance with? The answer is I don't. I either sit at the table and hope your weird uncle doesn't come ask why I'm not dancing, or I escape to the bar and make poor choices, or I go to the bathroom just for something to do, or I sit there and send rude snapchats of happy couples dancing and snark on them on twitter. And while some of those are fun, it's a little...boring. A low point at your wedding. If you're not going to invite some other singles (preferably handsome, eligible men...just saying) you're kind of making me the 101st wheel. And it's kind of a bummer.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm not saying giving me a date is mandatory. But if you're dooming a wedding guest to an evening of solo activity, consider throwing them a bone and putting +1 on their invitation. Or, you know, make sure at least one of your groomsmen is single and handsome. I'll personally settle for that.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">**I KNOW I KNOW you have to worry about how many people the church will seat and the reception hall capacity and the cost per plate of food and I GET IT OK you don't have to remind me. It's just a thought. </span>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36726303.post-9960401310284437862014-09-04T10:55:00.000-04:002014-09-04T11:02:03.288-04:00How NOT to Internet Date...<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">...part 45 of 1,000,000 I guess. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Twin got a message on OkCupid the other night, the first she'd gotten from this particular guy.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"What's your availability tomorrow night?"</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This has been bothering me ever since she told me and I've been trying to figure out why. It's not obscene or rude and on top of that, it's not even my message! So why has it been silently pissing me off?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My first thought was that I disliked his abrupt introduction. Or rather, a lack of introduction and jumping right into the next phase. This guy skipped a greeting, a half-hearted compliment, a common interest, and a witty remark that you're wrong in your opinion of the best Back to the Future. He went all in. You busy tomorrow? He wants to do all that Dating 101 stuff in person. Screw typing. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's true that I find his approach to be a bit clumsy. It lacks finesse. This is not a guy with a lot of game. And it's sketchy. A lot of my friends are nervous about internet dating because the person you meet could be anybody at all. (And all of my female friends are nervous that your internet stranger might kill you. Yup.) He could be exactly who he says he is. Or the complete opposite. Or some great combination of lies and creep. It's a gamble! The first conversation(s) at least start the elimination process. My girls will still likely meet internet dates in a public place and have friends on standby ready to break you out of a terrible date. But at least they know that person made it through round one of cuts. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I brought this up to some guys at the bar, a couple guys I've met before and a random guy I've never met and hopefully can avoid for the rest of my days--who invited himself into the conversation. They didn't see a problem with asking someone to meet up before you really chat. They made a decent point.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But I was STILL bothered by this guy--until today, when I realized why I hated his message so much. He does it all wrong. Sure, you know why he's asking if you're available, but he's also making it really hard for you to say no. (Or so he might think.) He asks about your availability tomorrow and you say yeah, I've got no plans. Then he asks if you want to get a drink. Well now you're screwed. You've painted yourself into a corner. If you don't want to see this guy, it just became really tricky. <i>No thanks</i>, you tell him. Well you just said you were free tomorrow! Why don't you want to see him?!** Because it must be <b>him</b>. You said you didn't have plans. What, did you make plans in the last 30 seconds??</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RUacIuAzntk/T_bygq8c5UI/AAAAAAAADO4/j_NW1SJi5Po/s1600/backed+into+a+corner.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RUacIuAzntk/T_bygq8c5UI/AAAAAAAADO4/j_NW1SJi5Po/s1600/backed+into+a+corner.jpg" height="288" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Public Service Announcement for anyone throwing out date invites: We don't WANT to hurt your feelings, you know. Not all the time. We might like to give you an out! GIVE US A CHANCE TO REJECT YOU GENTLY. This guy took away any possibility of a graceful exit strategy.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Sure, I might turn a guy down because he's a disgusting ass. But I also might turn down a guy who seems perfectly nice but isn't a guy I want to date. Maybe he misread the situation and thought I was interested. In these cases, I'm not looking to be a bitch. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Here's my tip for the day: if you're going to ask someone out, don't trick them into saying yes. "Do you want to get a drink tomorrow?" is perfectly acceptable. It leaves the other person a lot of options. They can say yes, or I would love that but tomorrow doesn't work, or no thanks I'm not interested, or no thanks I'm really busy, or fuck off you're a weirdo, or hey I'm in a relationship but thanks for asking, or <i>any number of other responses</i>. And they have the option of letting you down gently--and you'll both feel less awkward. "Are you available tomorrow?" should only be used as a follow-up question. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I know you don't usually take my advice but please, try and remember this bit. Try really hard. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">**This might seem harsh but I had a guy demand why I didn't want to go out with him one time. Um, maybs because you're super aggressive and childish about rejection??</span>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36726303.post-38403518684309766512014-09-03T10:04:00.000-04:002014-09-03T10:04:00.323-04:00A quick update on real life...ALSO A PUPPY.<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">What do my blog and the night you lost your virginity have in common? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We're both disappointing even though you heard it was going to be really magical. </span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I know I haven't been around much. For the past couple weeks, I've been spending a lot of time with my family, helping my dad after he had knee surgery. (He had to be at the hospital at 5:30am and since I'm The Best Kid I went along to keep my mom company while she waited. I drank shitloads of coffee and was positively zombie-esque at work that evening. It was all worth it when my dad told me I was his favorite kid. Suck it, three siblings! I think it's important that we skip the part where he was under anesthesia just prior to saying this.) </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I've also been planning a lot of baby shower stuff, which is exactly how I like spending my free time, as I'm sure you can imagine. (I was put in charge of games. MISTAKE. Are drinking games appropriate at baby showers? No...?)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I've got real blog posts coming soon, but I figured you at least deserved an acknowledgement about my ignoring you. Which is more than my ex was able to do. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Here, look at this puppy while you wait and everything will be fine. </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv5DUE-0FItiUyWZAYTBD5TrLYfYuDN-1WvGlsieNeLsCuaMeS1GgjNCcaQ8AAXPMXec80gDWTEEAuQjKG3HkvIqG9Ie5aaAQUlDNEYZxrOhncBhQ-4GVPNXBarPkOex_6YYMXjw/s1600/20140818_153545.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv5DUE-0FItiUyWZAYTBD5TrLYfYuDN-1WvGlsieNeLsCuaMeS1GgjNCcaQ8AAXPMXec80gDWTEEAuQjKG3HkvIqG9Ie5aaAQUlDNEYZxrOhncBhQ-4GVPNXBarPkOex_6YYMXjw/s1600/20140818_153545.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></span></a></div>
<br />Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36726303.post-67023228475555985052014-08-25T10:57:00.000-04:002014-08-25T10:57:00.023-04:00Pickup FAIL<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We have our fair share of regular faces at work, and Waldo is one of them. I've assisted him a couple times, so when he approached me on desk last week, it was not unusual. I mean...that's why I'm there. </span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Do you guys have a bandaid?" </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Oh...I'm not sure, actually.** If you check with--" </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"I skinned my knee when I was falling for you." </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">YES REALLY. I laughed and all I could manage to say was <b>yikes</b>. So you're thinking this is a generic story about Waldo using a generic pickup line on me while I was at work. Why am I wasting your time, right? (Well, for one, a lot of you are at work dicking around right now, so don't play. You were looking for ways to waste your time.) </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So you're thinking, <i>hey good for you! Is Waldo cute? Do you think he was attracted to your fanny pack? </i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">False. Stop right there. <b>Because he wasn't even really hitting on me</b>. He laughed and apologized and told me his friend sent him that line and said he had to use it <i>right then</i>. And I was "the only viable candidate." I mean are you swooning yet? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">THE ONLY VIABLE CANDIDATE? I looked around the room--and yeah, I was the only woman not eligible to collect social security. I didn't realize I could be MORE turned off by a pickup line--but that did it. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Waldo introduced himself. "Out of curiosity, would that have worked?" </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"No." </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Are you married?"</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"No." I assured Waldo that laughing at him would have garnered five seconds of face time before I rejected him. He walked away, apparently satisfied with that result. I, on the other hand, was slightly less satisfied with the interaction.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But yeah to answer your question I do think the fanny pack helped. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">**I actually carry one in my fanny pack and I'm so upset with myself for not remembering that.</span></div>
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36726303.post-74388234126950489592014-08-19T10:48:00.000-04:002014-08-19T10:48:00.567-04:00Wedding Tips for Singles? Yes really. <span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I don't know about anyone else, but my facebook feed was <i>blowing up </i>with engagement announcements and wedding photos this weekend. It was a busy weekend. Not for me, of course. I watched a bunch of Disney movies on ABC Family and cleaned my house. (No fighting, boys.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Thinking about the next round of weddings fills me with a sense of dread. And I'm not just talking about the usual "what if I can't escape the bouquet toss" dread. I mean, yeah that's there because I HATE THE BOUQUET TOSS, but there's more to it this time. It's because I have noticed a disturbing new trend at weddings.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Readers, there is a serious lack of single men at weddings. I was just at one where there was literally ONE single man. I'm not kidding, I did the research. (And it should be noted that there was NOT just one single woman.) A friend attended one with no single men at all! And what's worse, she was the only single person there! <b>What is happening? </b>How can this be? I mean, what's the point of weddings at all, if there are no single men in attendance?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYjb9A2ZmzbWCphEkAvshtJwt0-mVPNwep2Jb14U46gZPzVw7NGnDLf6ulx9UMJCl0kUdGi-r000NdV1HeMg2_DAUFA8wTS51wJ-lW10Zd3m4vF50XIZlpIsGxdAecLhcPccFY1A/s1600/20130607_224023.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYjb9A2ZmzbWCphEkAvshtJwt0-mVPNwep2Jb14U46gZPzVw7NGnDLf6ulx9UMJCl0kUdGi-r000NdV1HeMg2_DAUFA8wTS51wJ-lW10Zd3m4vF50XIZlpIsGxdAecLhcPccFY1A/s1600/20130607_224023.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></span></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-small;">Oh, right.</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This disturbance in the Force is going to ruin my usual wedding reception plans. What's a girl to do, if not select a handsome single man and spend her evening flirting? (I know what you're going to say, but cake is only a small part of the reception! What of the rest of the night, hmm?)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Before you, too, find yourself in a barren wasteland, here are some tips that might help pass the time! </span><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Befriend the DJ and request only party songs. No slow dancing around here!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If slow dancing does occur, don't worry about finding a partner. (Not that you'll be able to, unless some grandparent takes pity on you.) Instead, interpretive dance around all the couples. Not only does it make couples feel a little awkward, but it's mad fun. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Make the rounds and greet every table. The bride and groom are doing it, and look how much fun they're having! </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If the couple put those disposable cameras on the tables, appoint yourself unofficial photographer and get some really good pictures of you standing between any couple who tries to take a nice photo. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Cake. Obvi. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Live tweet the wedding. People love that! (Right? You guys loved when I did it at your weddings, right?)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Recruit the children to take over the dance floor with you. The DJ will hopefully have your back on this and--you guessed it--continue to avoid slow songs, as long as their interest holds. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If they lose interest, time for a field trip. More cake. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Cocktail. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You know that really annoying tradition where you clang on your glass and the couple has to kiss? And it interrupts everything? Well that's super annoying when you're trying to get your flirt on, but guess what? You don't have anybody to flirt with! Make everyone suffer with you. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">See how far you can move the centerpiece to the left before other people at your table realize and correct it.</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Good luck, fellow wedding guests. And remember--as soon as the bride picks up a bouquet and starts towards the dance floor, it's time to use the rest room. Don't run. Just be casual. If you're worried about being called out, hold a tampon in your hand on the way. </span></div>
</div>
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36726303.post-87214546599329567962014-08-12T11:33:00.000-04:002014-08-12T11:41:20.773-04:00Not into texting? Not acceptable. <span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So there's this guy from my past and things between us were brief, really casual, and undefined. You know, my favorite kind of relationship. I ran into him recently and he was all, "Call me sometime." I didn't really have any reason not to, so I did. (Well, I texted.) What the hell, right? (Regular readers can probably guess that the scenario was more complicated than this--it always is--but you get the idea.) </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Oh you guys, it was bad.<i> Bad.</i> The whole conversation fell so flat I couldn't believe it. I mean, here's this cute (NOT RELEVANT) guy I've flirted with many times in the past, telling me to get in touch...it should have been better. I mean...he TOLD ME TO GET IN TOUCH. He started that ball rolling again. And I'll admit that maybe it wasn't my A game flirting, but like...I put in some effort. I tried. <i>I'm not even sure this guy realized there was a game going on. </i></span><br />
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></i>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My sister witnessed the steady decline of our conversation during lunch and uttered a sentence that brought back a flood of memories. <b>"Maybe he's not into texting." </b></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">NO. No no no. This was a sentence I heard, said, thought, and wrote in my diary throughout high school. And college, let's be real. Texting wasn't that common and was honestly sort of a novelty. I got my first cell phone when I graduated high school--and I was far from the last of my friends to get one. "Not into texting" was an excuse we also used while IMing. We were constantly advising each other to see how he acted in person before judging him--because maybe he's not into typing out his feelings, ok? And ok, so it was new and we were all trying to figure out how relevant it was to text or IM or anything other than a face to face conversation. <i>Maybe </i>it was a valid excuse back then. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But this is 2014! EVERYONE has a cell phone. Your ten year old cousin can troubleshoot your iPhone issues at Thanksgiving dinner for crying out loud. If you're reading this blog, there's a digital component in all your relationships. It's how we meet each other, select the right person for us, get to know each other, stalk each other, communicate with each other, and if you're my ex it's how we break up with each other. Relationships all rely on technology in some way. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So I am sorry, but "not into texting"? <b>Is no longer a valid excuse. </b>It's 2014. There is no way it's acceptable to have a weak digital game. It's fine to be better in person (I am) but if you're trying to meet someone, you better be able to flirt using a keyboard. It's fine to prefer face to face conversations, or even phone calls although I haven't met a guy like that in a minute. The thing is...you have to hold someone's interest long enough to get to that point. If you're meeting online or you're a setup or however else people meet...you're probably going to have to type a conversation at some point. It's just how things are done. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So if you can't hold your own via text...it's time to step up your game. Because otherwise I'm going to sit there wondering why the hell you asked me to get in touch.</span>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36726303.post-2648377410026744472014-08-07T11:00:00.000-04:002014-08-07T11:00:01.217-04:00A song for a friend.<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">During the summer that "Call Me Maybe" was unavoidable, my friend M had somehow managed to avoid it. We introduced him to Carly Rae Jepsen at the bowling alley one night because really everyone should know that song. Weeks later, I got a phone call. At a niece's wedding, he'd heard "Call Me Maybe"! And he knew the song! It was the only song he'd known! He signed off, as he would for the next few years, by saying "call me maybe." He called when <i>Glee</i> covered the song a few weeks later, repeating that it was the only song he'd known. In a new aspect of our friendship that I still find charming, he'd call me whenever he heard it. It was a strange homing beacon between us, advice that he took literally.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I don't remember meeting M, but it probably followed a couple showtunes and preceded a few often-told jokes. I'm sure I heard those jokes more than once over the course of our friendship. He regularly asked why I was laughing at such terrible jokes. I never had an answer. Not great with an RSVP, M would breeze in, serenade the crowd, tell the jokes, and settle in. He usually disappeared without fanfare, having mastered the Irish goodbye.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">M was fiercely loyal and dedicated. Learning about a problem with a friend, or a hiccup in a project we were working on, he would call and ask what we were going to do to fix things. He gave advice not when you asked, but when he thought you needed it. He asked questions you didn't want to--but needed to--answer. <i>"Why haven't we found a job?" "What's the deal with the boyfriend?"</i> He would also call or show up occasionally, looking for advice for himself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">These stories feel random and haphazard, even to me. But as I try to comprehend that M has passed away, they are the stories I can anchor myself to. It is easier to focus on them than on the cancer that took M from us. It is easier than thinking about his family--his lovely and brilliant wife, his sons and grandson. All the pieces of his life that are now missing him. And writing has always been the way I process. Feelings don't make sense until I can write them down and arrange the words, put them in order.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So here I am. I have other blog posts on the way--I know this isn't what we do around here. Don't worry...I did some flirting and went to a wedding, so that's all on the way. But for now, thanks for sticking around while I try to make sense of real life. Until then, have some Carly Rae. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/lEsPhTbJhuo?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></span></div>
<br />Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36726303.post-74785131888565983922014-07-29T12:05:00.000-04:002014-07-29T12:05:34.903-04:00Why I'm Skipping Fifty Shades<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Real Talk: I did read <i>Fifty Shades of Grey</i>. All three books--wait, were there three? Whatever, I read the series. After ignoring the hype for a while, I decided to read them for two reasons. The first was that I was still teaching at that point and most of the other teachers in my building were reading them and going apeshit. I wanted to join the veiled conversations at lunch. But what really made me submit that Amazon order was reason two: the <i>Twilight </i>connection. If you're not familiar, I read that <i>Fifty Shades </i>was originally written and published on the internet as <i>Twilight </i>fan fiction. (Yes, I also read that series.) </span><div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">At that point, I HAD to read these books. I had to know. I had to know how close to the <i>Twilight </i>series these books would be. I mean, I understand the general premise: instead of a controlling vampire, he's a controlling business guy with particular sexual interests. It's a jump, but I can kind of see it. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Have you read both books? Anyone? Feel free to chime in. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">THEY'RE SO SIMILAR. I'm not talking about the general story line. I'm talking about all aspects, minus the sex. He's so mysterious! With copper gleaming hair! And unusual eyes! And no one can figure him out! She's clumsy! And plain! But not really plain because she's actually super pretty! He should stay away from her! But he just can't! And they live in the Pacific Northwest! And EVERY SITUATION IS THE SAME AS <i>TWILIGHT. </i>As I read, I would say, <i>oh we're going to meet his meddling sister now </i>and BAM there she was. <i>That guy will definitely be the bad guy </i>and what do you know, HE WAS. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So there. I read the books. And yes, you read right--I bought my own copies. After hearing the way my colleagues spoke about these books, and learning how long the wait list was at the library...I decided I really didn't want to handle copies read by dozens of middle aged women. I've heard these books described as mommy porn and porn for bored housewives. Um, I'll take fresh copies thanks. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So...did I enjoy the books? Nope. I was bored and disappointed. (Hey, more in common with <i>Twilight</i>!) Not to mention a super unhealthy relationship and a portrayal of the BDSM lifestyle that's widely criticized as inaccurate. Sexy!</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But now the movie is coming out! And we finally saw Christian Grey! And the Beyonce song! And everyone is <b>losing their shit</b>! </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There is no way you'll get me to watch that movie, ESPECIALLY in a theater. I WILL NOT sit in a theater and watch socially acceptable porn. Have you ever watched porn with a bunch of other people? I have but we knew it was ridiculous and NOT SEXY and we laughed and cringed the whole time! (I mean, when you rent Shakespeare porn I guess that's to be expected.) I don't think <i>Fifty Shades </i>moviegoers will be joking around. So if you think I'm going to sit in a room with a bunch of strangers who are hot for this character (YES MIDDLE AGED WOMEN I MEAN YOU sorry not sorry. I saw <i>Twilight </i>in the theater and you were everywhere.) you are dead wrong. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm not spending $10 to be uncomfortable for 90 minutes, thanks very much. </span></div>
Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36726303.post-40009769959998892032014-07-24T11:29:00.001-04:002014-07-24T11:29:42.878-04:00"Once upon a time I was falling in love..."<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I'm home from summer camp! Hooray for you! (Not really hooray for me, because I super miss my friends and running around in ridiculous outfits and you know, sleeping on the top bunk isn't so bad once you assess the situation for bugs, and I DID manage to avoid the poison ivy scare. Narrowly, but avoided all the same.)</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Between a dumpster fire (long story) and singing songs about poop (not as long a story as you'd imagine), I did some thinking about my ex--accidentally. One night the kids sang a song that wasn't necessarily "our song" because not only does that idea gross me out but we never agreed on it anyway, but it makes me think of him. Because of unimportant reasons. "You had to be there" kind of stuff. Anyway it's Adele. "Someone Like You." And I know what you're thinking--<i>that song is really sad!!</i>--and I KNOW I AGREE but hold those thoughts for a second. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">Another night at camp, we were having a dance party and naturally that led to some interpretive dancing. Our DJ took my request and played "Total Eclipse of the Heart" and let me tell you, that's a very respectable interpretive dance song. My dancing led me into the arms of a charming Italian man, as all good dancing ought to do. We sang to each other and he told me "Total Eclipse of the Heart" was his and his ex's song. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">"It's such a sad story. I should have known it would end," he said. That really hit home for me. Even while we were dating, I thought of my ex when I heard "Someone Like You." Like, it made me smile. EVEN THOUGH THAT SONG IS REALLY SAD. It's definitely about a break up. I mean, without a doubt that song is about the end of a relationship.Come on, Adele sings it. <b>It's sad</b>. Is that weird? That such a sad song ABOUT BREAKING UP made me think of my boyfriend...in a gross happy way? During our relationship, I never even stopped to consider the meaning of the song, to be honest. WHICH IS DUMB I KNOW. How did I not notice that I associated my boyfriend with a <b>really really sad song</b>? I keep telling you I make bad choices in relationships. I mean, it's not like that could have actually been Our Song. What, if we got married we would have danced to Sad Adele? (HAHA MY WEDDING j/k that was never going to happen.) People would have judged us so hard, and probably tweet about it and I'm saying this with 100% confidence because I would absolutely do the same thing. Sad Adele can't REALLY be your song. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">So I've been thinking: does your song set the tone for your relationship? Should I have known we were doomed? If you pick a sad song to represent you as a couple, are you saying you're a sad couple? Maybe you're an idiot like me and never really put all the pieces together? Or maybe you just don't have any shits to give? Or is this a sign that I spent too much time with teenagers this month? I have so many questions about this!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">Although ultimately I suppose I just have one--what does it say about you as a couple if your song is sad? Feel free to weigh in on this...</span></span>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09843470059129750437noreply@blogger.com2