Sunday, September 14, 2008

Potty training.

This certainly isn't a new issue, but it is one that I'm struggling with. Guys, level with me: why, exactly, do you think the whole world is your toilet?

Seriously. I totally get that it's easy enough for you to go anywhere you damn well please. For the ladies, it's a little more complicated most of the time. It's a process. But just because you can do it, does that mean you have to do it?

I was at a party last weekend, and a lot of us were outside around a fire. It was a perfectly good time, and it's really important to note that the toilet in the house was perfectly functional. Why is this detail significant? I'm glad you asked. It appeared that none of the gentlemen at the party inquired as to the status of said toilet, choosing instead to figure it was out of order. And what's a guy to do when he's been hitting the keg and nature calls? Well, if the toilet isn't an option (NOTE: It was.) you can just go outside! Hooray! Everywhere I looked, there was some guy, back to the crowd, taking care of business. By my calculations, the entire perimeter of the yard, barring the section that led to the house, was tainted. Guys, seriously, we can see you. Everyone can see you. I began to worry. I do not pee in things that aren't toilets. Would I have to hold it until I got home? Things weren't desperate yet, but if I waited all night to pee...well, things could get ugly. Should I stop drinking? (Oh heavens no.) Rather than put down my cocktail, I decided to risk a trip inside, just to check on the toilet situation. My heart full of hope, things looked ok. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, and there was even toilet paper--in a boy house, one can't take this amenity for granted. After some extensive research (hint: I peed.) I ascertained that the restroom was in fully working order.

Why am I telling you this? Well, because it means that all those guys were peeing outside by choice. In front of their friends, outside, in the open, because they wanted to. So I ask you: why?

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