Recently I was with a group of new friends, completely unaware that I was about to learn some valuable life lessons. Halfway through a beer, B. raised his voice to announce, "Let me tell you something about men."
You have my attention. Since B. is male and most of the [captive] audience was also male, I was curious about what he would have to share with them that they didn't already know. (I mean, by mid-20s is there still a lot of mystery? And how did B. learn the answers?) "Men think about four things." Oh. Hmm. Still listening...
4. Drugs (this includes alcohol)
Other than arguing about the order (I'll leave you to decide which one was a serious point of debate) the guys didn't have much to add to that. And just when I was thinking what a great night I was having, it got better. Oh, so much better.
"But women," B. announces, "have more. They have a top ten." I have a great number of questions already brewing in my mind about this. But I'm very entertained, so I decide to hold off.
1. What is going on with my face? (Ok, I had to laugh. I don't know that it's the number one thing I think about, but I certainly do ponder that at least once a day.)
2. Should I shave today? (Answer usually no.)
3. Nose. (Sorry? B. says that he doesn't know why, but that most women have a weird thing about their nose. I do not ask why this doesn't get folded into number one. Assume B. has his reasons.)
7. Friends. (At this point, B. launches into a tangential tirade about women going to the bathroom in packs. I try to shed some light on the situation. B. nods enthusiastically, then does an imitation of the "secret signal" we use to tell each other it's time for a bathroom conference. Wish I had a video of this.)
10. Shelter. (Men don't consider this? B.: "No, we don't really care." Ah.)
I asked a fair few questions after this, once my laughter had subsided. I learned how he'd gotten his intel. (Pretty valid, particularly once I learned that he doesn't have a lot of female friends...mainly girlfriends. That's going to really change what you see.)
In relaying this information to a good friend, she had an immediate suggestion. TK suggested that the list would be far more agreeable if #3 was included in #1. (It makes sense. Pondering one's nose is a part of asking 'what's going on with my face?') But what of #3, then?
3. Is this a date?
Brilliant. Men, do you have any idea how often we're asking this question? Unless we're with one of those guys we consider a brother or we know for sure it IS a date, we're trying to figure out if we're on a date. You hold open a door and we think date. Then you talk about another girl and it's not a date. Then you pay for dinner and it's back to a date. You see? It's amazing any of us have the will left to hold a conversation despite the exhaustion!
But of course, we don't tell you about it, which explains why B. didn't include this on his list. It's the secret answer.
I'd write more about this, but I have to go discuss it with some friends and then decide whether or not I'll shave today. (Probs not.)