Last week I told you that I'm currently experiencing the wing man/woman phase of being single...my friends and family are all over trying to set me up. It's fine, I guess. There's that internal debate around is this too soon, but everyone does that, I suppose. I broke the seal a few weeks ago...remind me to tell you that story sometime. So I suppose now I'm dating? Like, that's a thing I do now? Who knows. It's all weird.
A few years ago I found myself the target of a few matchmaking attempts. One led to a few fun dates and another asked if we could reschedule. I'm still waiting for him to get back to me with a good time. (Is 2 1/2 years too long to wait for a boy to call back? You guys think he's calling? He's probably been really busy, right?) It was after these and so many false starts that I set some guidelines.
As you might have suspected, I'm pretty vocal about being single. It's my thing, I can't help it. But really, half the reason I tell everyone I'm single is to potentially facilitate matchmaking. When one of my cousins meets Ryan Gosling and he mentions that he hates eating dinner alone when he's in Michigan, that cousin is going to remember that I'm single. (No, that's not a scenario I've ever considered. Of course not. That's sad and weird. It's an example.) And I have noticed that my tactic works. 68% of the time it works every time.
But guess what? A lot of single people? Are weirdos. They're single for a reason. (Present company included.) So that's where the guidelines come into play. Before you roll your eyes, thinking I'm about to be some high maintenance 97-item checklist princess, just read.
Guidelines for Setting Bitter Amanda Up On a Date:
1. Everybody* gets one.
That's it. Really. Everyone who has asked about setting me up has been informed that they get one chance. This ends up covering way more rules than mine. When people learn they only get one shot, they think carefully about their victims. No more potential dates with any man who happens to be straight, single, and kind of perhaps in my age range. My friends are taking it really seriously. Some of them won't even put things into motion yet, concerned that I'm not ready yet. (AM I EVER?) I'm far less concerned about spending an evening listening to someone talk about fantasy football and the ex he's still in love with. It's actually quite a relief. My friends are not playing around. We'll see what happens...
Oh--wait. There's one more thing that isn't on my list. Ryan Gosling. Ryan Gosling does not count as anyone's only chance--he's the free square on this bingo card.
Just so we're all clear.
*Stubborn siblings get more than one.** Apparently.
**This exception was set in place after certain siblings, who shall remain anonymous, refused the guidelines.