Have I told you about my loathe for the Pussycat Dolls yet? No? Well, it's there. And I just read that they're starting their own reality show! And do you know what the point is? To add another member. As if they don't already have more than I care to keep track of. As far as I know, they have the one talented girl (who really should go solo) and then any number of others who dance around behind her, wearing tiny clothes and having no talent whatsoever. They could change the members for every performance and I assure you hardly anyone would notice the difference. Their mothers might, I suppose. But that's about it. And now they're trying to add more! Come on now, ladies, isn't +/- 37 members enough for you? How many backup dancers does one group need?!
Ugh. (Also: when you go away, please for the love of everything holy take Fergie with you.)
By the way, yeah, I did take an unnecessarily long break from writing. Sorry, things got a little crazy! I'm back now, I assure you. Plus, big things to come from my other project, Manifesto Destiny. Have a look!
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Wake Up Call!
Ask how long I've been awake. Go on, ask.
Nineteen hours. Now, if you're Jack Bauer, that is not a long time at all. But I am not Jack Bauer. I do not work for some high profile employer who requires me to put in long-ass days. It is only half past eleven and I have been up since FOUR THIRTY. AM.
Why, you ask? Why on earth would one get up so early unless it was necessary? Oh, maybe it was necessary, you're thinking. Nope! I was going to wake up around four hours later and do work and other things. But that last four hours did not happen. Because at 4:25am, my cell phone rang. I was compelled to answer. Because that is the emergency phone call only time frame. It is too late for a drunk phone call from a friend who wants to tell you how much they love you/need your help. And it is too early for a phone call regarding work or other early morning activity. It is strictly emergency time at 4:25am. So I answered. I muttered my hello, half asleep and half wondering what this unrecognized number was.
"Oh, wrong number."
That was all I heard of the unknown gentleman. He did not apologize, or even sound apologetic! He said, "oh, wrong number" and hung up! I felt jilted; as if I'd been waiting on a date and he called to cancel. Who decides that being pretty sure you know a phone number is acceptable at such an hour?! I should like to think that, unless it was an emergency situation, I would be very careful about not making erroneous phone calls at half past four in the morning.
Stupid stupid moron.
Goodnight, kids.
Nineteen hours. Now, if you're Jack Bauer, that is not a long time at all. But I am not Jack Bauer. I do not work for some high profile employer who requires me to put in long-ass days. It is only half past eleven and I have been up since FOUR THIRTY. AM.
Why, you ask? Why on earth would one get up so early unless it was necessary? Oh, maybe it was necessary, you're thinking. Nope! I was going to wake up around four hours later and do work and other things. But that last four hours did not happen. Because at 4:25am, my cell phone rang. I was compelled to answer. Because that is the emergency phone call only time frame. It is too late for a drunk phone call from a friend who wants to tell you how much they love you/need your help. And it is too early for a phone call regarding work or other early morning activity. It is strictly emergency time at 4:25am. So I answered. I muttered my hello, half asleep and half wondering what this unrecognized number was.
"Oh, wrong number."
That was all I heard of the unknown gentleman. He did not apologize, or even sound apologetic! He said, "oh, wrong number" and hung up! I felt jilted; as if I'd been waiting on a date and he called to cancel. Who decides that being pretty sure you know a phone number is acceptable at such an hour?! I should like to think that, unless it was an emergency situation, I would be very careful about not making erroneous phone calls at half past four in the morning.
Stupid stupid moron.
Goodnight, kids.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
DAMN IT!
Open letter to whoever it is that created the Jack Bauer Damn It! reel :
Thank you thank you thank you. Anyone who has watched 24 with me knows that I wait for the damn it. I anticipate them and shout it whenever I think a damn it might be coming. I LOVE the Jack Bauer damn it. This is perhaps the greatest thing ever.
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda
Thank you thank you thank you. Anyone who has watched 24 with me knows that I wait for the damn it. I anticipate them and shout it whenever I think a damn it might be coming. I LOVE the Jack Bauer damn it. This is perhaps the greatest thing ever.
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda
Thursday, January 11, 2007
I Am...Ridiculous?
Have you seen this Burger King commercial? They’ve taken the classic female-empowerment anthem “I Am Woman” by Helen Reddy and transformed it into an anthem about…burgers.
Actually, it’s about rejecting anything that isn’t inherently manly. Like quiche. This has been seen before in ad campaigns, like the Miller Lite “Man Law” ads. I think those are some of the funniest ads on tv—they support the same cause as Burger King, only, you know…they’re more clever.
Now, I am totally on board with this whole “reclaiming masculinity” crusade. I’m not looking for a man who wants to go shopping with me. I’m looking for a man who goes shopping with me because he feels obligated to go! Who fears my nagging if he says no! Who goes with the hope of me sleeping with him because of it! You know, the old-fashioned way.
My real issue with this Burger King ad is that they seem to have compared equality for women with driving mini-vans. I didn’t realize that men were feeling unheard and unseen. Imagine my surprise when a man burned his underwear in this ad. I guess…I guess that’s kind of like women burning their bras? What exactly is he protesting with this move? I just don’t get it.
Burger King, you may be hungry, incorrigible, and man, but I think you’re putting your issues too high on a pedestal. Come on, just eat the quiche and know that it earns points with your lady. Just like generations of men before you.
Actually, it’s about rejecting anything that isn’t inherently manly. Like quiche. This has been seen before in ad campaigns, like the Miller Lite “Man Law” ads. I think those are some of the funniest ads on tv—they support the same cause as Burger King, only, you know…they’re more clever.
Now, I am totally on board with this whole “reclaiming masculinity” crusade. I’m not looking for a man who wants to go shopping with me. I’m looking for a man who goes shopping with me because he feels obligated to go! Who fears my nagging if he says no! Who goes with the hope of me sleeping with him because of it! You know, the old-fashioned way.
My real issue with this Burger King ad is that they seem to have compared equality for women with driving mini-vans. I didn’t realize that men were feeling unheard and unseen. Imagine my surprise when a man burned his underwear in this ad. I guess…I guess that’s kind of like women burning their bras? What exactly is he protesting with this move? I just don’t get it.
Burger King, you may be hungry, incorrigible, and man, but I think you’re putting your issues too high on a pedestal. Come on, just eat the quiche and know that it earns points with your lady. Just like generations of men before you.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Correction. Dammit.
I hate having to correct myself--nobody likes saying, "Hey everyone! I was WRONG." But here I am.
I once said that I'd be flattered by any song that was written for me, regardless of quality and sentiment. I appreciate effort.
But WOW do I ever stand corrected. Have you heard the song "Lips of an Angel" by Hinder?? I would be so pissed if that was for me! I would not be having that, thank you very much. Poor girl. Lips of an angel? Really? Was that the best you could come up with? Hey Hinder, shut up. Shut your whiney mouths and come up with a more creative compliment. Oh, and next time please write a song that will not drive me crazy if it's stuck in my head for more than 38 seconds. Thanks.
I once said that I'd be flattered by any song that was written for me, regardless of quality and sentiment. I appreciate effort.
But WOW do I ever stand corrected. Have you heard the song "Lips of an Angel" by Hinder?? I would be so pissed if that was for me! I would not be having that, thank you very much. Poor girl. Lips of an angel? Really? Was that the best you could come up with? Hey Hinder, shut up. Shut your whiney mouths and come up with a more creative compliment. Oh, and next time please write a song that will not drive me crazy if it's stuck in my head for more than 38 seconds. Thanks.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Toned down Tenacious D?
I don't usually do this, but I am dedicating this post to whoever wrote The Holiday. Specifically, the Jack Black character. You deserve a post, if not some sort of freaking statue to put on your mantel.
First of all, you managed to write a character that gives us the essence of Jack Black. It's like Jack Black Lite. And that is in no way a bad thing. Second of all, you put that Diet Jack into a romantic comedy , which I did not think would work. Anyone familiar with Tenacious D knows that JB is one of the people in Hollywood you would first name if you were to make a list of "People Who Will Not Fit the Romantic Comedy Mold." (This is perhaps one of the reasons I love The D so much.) I take back my statements regarding that. I take them back and I am ashamed I even thought them, let alone put them out into the universe. Because he is a great romantic comedy character. Totally believable.
My third and most important point is this: you made me like a leading man in a romantic comedy. Do you know how hard that is? It is a very difficult task--one previously thought to be impossible! Well done, writer(s)! Well done indeed. If this Jack Black character existed, I would have a serious crush on him that would make my readers think I was a seventh grade girl hanging up posters of Orlando Bloom. You would be embarrassed to be seen with me; my love would be so great.
So this goes out to you, whoever you are. Job well done.
First of all, you managed to write a character that gives us the essence of Jack Black. It's like Jack Black Lite. And that is in no way a bad thing. Second of all, you put that Diet Jack into a romantic comedy , which I did not think would work. Anyone familiar with Tenacious D knows that JB is one of the people in Hollywood you would first name if you were to make a list of "People Who Will Not Fit the Romantic Comedy Mold." (This is perhaps one of the reasons I love The D so much.) I take back my statements regarding that. I take them back and I am ashamed I even thought them, let alone put them out into the universe. Because he is a great romantic comedy character. Totally believable.
My third and most important point is this: you made me like a leading man in a romantic comedy. Do you know how hard that is? It is a very difficult task--one previously thought to be impossible! Well done, writer(s)! Well done indeed. If this Jack Black character existed, I would have a serious crush on him that would make my readers think I was a seventh grade girl hanging up posters of Orlando Bloom. You would be embarrassed to be seen with me; my love would be so great.
So this goes out to you, whoever you are. Job well done.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Mistletoe: friend or foe?
I bet you read the title of this post and guessed what I was going to write. I think you'll find yourself corrected, however.
Like religion and when to have sex, mistletoe is a personal decision that everyone has to make for themselves. Some people think it's a cute holiday tradition; others find it a detestable annoyance that clouds up an otherwise joyful holiday season. And however you feel is fine. What is not fine, however, is mistletoe peer pressure. Peer pressure is not a friend of mine, let me tell you!
That said, I support the overall goal of mistletoe. I'm sure it has origins in some lonely guy trying to get some love. Can you blame him, really? The holiday season is full of the message that couples have a better time. I say, no, we cannot blame that guy. Nor can I blame any other guy (or lady!) looking to do a little kissing. Rejection is a bitch, so sometimes you have to fall back on tradition. Thus, the mistletoe. And while I loathe the PDA, I will let mistletoe kisses slide. (To a certain degree, people. Let's not lose our heads. It's a privilege, so don't abuse it or I'll take it away.) Personally , I am more in the "mistletoe is evil" camp and am THAT PERSON who does a quick scan for it upon entering a holiday party. And I will avoid that area all night, unless it's somewhere key, like by the bathroom or the bar table. In that case (you bastards.) I try to make my time in that area minimal. That whole float like a butterfly thing, ignoring the boxing reference.
My concern lies in the potential. What mistletoe could morph into. Will we see mistletoe public service announcements, with the cast of Grey's Anatomy warning our youth that, "Just because someone tells you it's a tradition, that doesn't mean you have to do it"? A Lifetime movie? "Meet Me Under the Mistletoe...Or Else!" Will this harmless tradition turn into one more thing mothers shout as their daughters leave for a night out with friends? "Stay together, keep an eye on your drinks, and watch out for any mistletoe!!" I shudder to imagine such a reality.
And there you have it. Party on, mistletoe lovers. But make sure that your victims don't mind. No means no, even in the glowing lights of a Christmas tree.
Like religion and when to have sex, mistletoe is a personal decision that everyone has to make for themselves. Some people think it's a cute holiday tradition; others find it a detestable annoyance that clouds up an otherwise joyful holiday season. And however you feel is fine. What is not fine, however, is mistletoe peer pressure. Peer pressure is not a friend of mine, let me tell you!
That said, I support the overall goal of mistletoe. I'm sure it has origins in some lonely guy trying to get some love. Can you blame him, really? The holiday season is full of the message that couples have a better time. I say, no, we cannot blame that guy. Nor can I blame any other guy (or lady!) looking to do a little kissing. Rejection is a bitch, so sometimes you have to fall back on tradition. Thus, the mistletoe. And while I loathe the PDA, I will let mistletoe kisses slide. (To a certain degree, people. Let's not lose our heads. It's a privilege, so don't abuse it or I'll take it away.) Personally , I am more in the "mistletoe is evil" camp and am THAT PERSON who does a quick scan for it upon entering a holiday party. And I will avoid that area all night, unless it's somewhere key, like by the bathroom or the bar table. In that case (you bastards.) I try to make my time in that area minimal. That whole float like a butterfly thing, ignoring the boxing reference.
My concern lies in the potential. What mistletoe could morph into. Will we see mistletoe public service announcements, with the cast of Grey's Anatomy warning our youth that, "Just because someone tells you it's a tradition, that doesn't mean you have to do it"? A Lifetime movie? "Meet Me Under the Mistletoe...Or Else!" Will this harmless tradition turn into one more thing mothers shout as their daughters leave for a night out with friends? "Stay together, keep an eye on your drinks, and watch out for any mistletoe!!" I shudder to imagine such a reality.
And there you have it. Party on, mistletoe lovers. But make sure that your victims don't mind. No means no, even in the glowing lights of a Christmas tree.
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