Early Morning Baby Panic

(Note: There's some language used here, which I feel like I should warn you about in case you're at work or whatever. Look at this maturity.)

Well, I started my morning trying to figure out if I was having an aneurysm, how about you? 

I woke up and checked my phone, glancing at twitter notifications and how I'm doing in Words with Friends. I looked at emails to see if anything interesting was going on...and that's when I started feeling what is more likely just straight up panic. 

NEW ARRIVAL? BUNDLE OF JOY? WHY IS THERE A PICTURE OF A BABY? WHAT DO YOU KNOW THAT I DON'T, SHUTTERFLY? 

As you can tell, I'm not quite over the shock. I'm still feeling very what the fuck about the whole thing. Because really...what the fuck. (Edit: Wait, can I say that around here? Have we had this conversation before? I'll warn you up above in case your boss wouldn't appreciate you dicking around at work.) 

Now, I like Shutterfly**. It's fun to print some pictures and have them rather than relying entirely on folders on my computer. And they send out some great deals in their emails. But WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE. I mean...first of all, I do not in any way shape or form have a baby or expect one in the foreseeable future. There's no way around that. But second of all, even if we suspended reality for a second and imagined that I did (THERE'S THAT PANIC AGAIN) why on earth would I have alerted Shutterfly to this event? HOW would I tell them? Do they have some customer service line you can call if you're going through major life changes and want to share? It can't be trolling my history like facebook does, since I always browse baby gift registries using the incognito feature for this very reason. All my baby searching for my procreating friends is done in secret! So what's the deal, Shutterfly? Why are you sending a girl into early morning panic? Before coffee, even? (WHICH I CAN DRINK BECAUSE I AM NOT HAVING A BABY.) 

Did anyone else get this? Please tell me yes, or I'm calling my gynecologist just in case Shutterfly knows things and shit is getting biblical around here. 




**Shutterfly, in case you don't know, is a website for printing digital photos and creating photo cards and gifts. And, apparently, warnings of the apocalypse. 

(UPDATE: Apparently a lot of people got this...Shutterfly erroneously sent this mass email to a LOT of other not new parents. Oops...)