Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Confessing Your Feelings: A Primer

I don't like to talk about my feelings. 

I realize that isn't breaking news or anything, but in case you're new around here--I really don't like to talk about my feelings. I prefer to compartmentalize and repress and other healthy coping mechanisms.** I generally peace out of relationships before we have to have The Talk. You can ask any of the guys I've dated and they'll tell you I make inappropriate jokes when they try to talk about stuff and usually I follow it up with a charming "shut up" while rolling my eyes. 


However, I realize that some people don't mind talking about feelings. And I think that's fine. I get a lot of questions from readers who are interested in someone and want to know if they should tell them how they feel. And in most cases, I say go for it if it'll make you feel better. Sometimes you just have to put it out there and get an answer.

Times I don't think you should share your feelings
If you are underage and they are an adult. Like an adulty adult, not someone two years older than you or whatever. An ADULT. (And I don't care how mature you are for your age.)
If there is a power relationship involved--your professor or boss, for example.
If the other person is in a monogamous relationship.
If you're in a monogamous relationship with someone else.
If they've told you they're not interested. 
I'm sure there are others...I'll get back to you.

Anyway, sometimes you decide to tell someone you're gross about them. As long as you're not sitting next to me on an airplane while you do it. (TRAPPED.) The way I see it, it'll go one of three basic ways. 
1. They feel the same! Hooray! You can be gross together
2. They do not feel the same. They want things to remain as they are. But at least you have your answer and won't spend your life plagued by what if? Now you can move on.
3. They do not feel the same and are a dick about it. This person does not deserve any part of you. 

If you're like me and you can live with the what if? then hey, don't worry about it. The biggest thing I tell people who ask me about this is not to have any expectations. You might not get the answer you want. You can't force the other person to want what you want. If you'll be totally crushed if they don't want a relationship with you, then maybe you're not ready to tell them. That's something you have to decide. But there are times when you have to know. Also, if you're going to do this, time it well in case you want to escape. I wasn't kidding about the airplane thing--you really can't go anywhere. 

Before we break for the day, let's talk about the other side--what if you're on the receiving end of a Feelings Confession? No matter how you feel, I'd like to point out that it's a brave and scary thing to do. People deserve kindness--don't be a dick about it.

That gets you written up on a blog. *coughcough*EXBOYFRIEND*coughcough*


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