Tuesday, April 01, 2014

Does Timing Matter?

"Can I request a blog topic?!" 

Absolutely. This came from someone in my real life, but I'm always open to ideas, even from those who don't have my phone number. 

"Is it possible to meet the right person, but have it be the wrong time? And if so, is it possible to meet again and have it be right?" 

Yeah, I have a lot of thoughts about timing. I'm glad you asked. I think timing is a huge factor in relationships. Timing has gotten in my way more than once. It would be really convenient to believe that if you meet someone and you're attracted to them and they're attracted to you, you're ready to live a Hallmark movie life. That would be great. But that's not how it works. 

If you're sitting there thinking, but Amanda, that's how my relationship started, then first of all shut up. No one likes a bragger. Second of all, please know that your situation is not only annoying but also not how it goes for all of us. 

So often you meet someone awesome but you're in a relationship or they're in a relationship or they're leaving for a semester abroad or you're at a friend's wedding out of town or they have kids and it's hard for them to date or they're not over someone else or a million other things that the universe sends to cockblock you.** Because the universe WILL cockblock you. Not every time, but sooner or later the universe will get in your way. 

And that sucks. It's a horrible feeling, to meet someone and think, wow, this person is not annoying and I think I could sustain a conversation with them for at least a whole meal...and then find out that he's moving in the morning. And sometimes (IF EVERYONE INVOLVED IS SINGLE) you choose to spend time with them anyway, knowing it's just temporary, until you fly back home. Sometimes you walk away (ESPECIALLY IF ONE OF YOU IS IN A RELATIONSHIP) and think about how that sucked. Sometimes you do some plotting to figure out how you could make it work. Sometimes one of you acts like a douche about it and that's that. It could go a lot of ways, is what I'm saying. (UNLESS ONE OR BOTH OF YOU IS IN A RELATIONSHIP, IN WHICH CASE NOTHING HAPPENS BECAUSE THAT IS THE DECENT WAY TO BEHAVE. Yeah, there's a sort of theme today.) But it happens. Timing matters. There will be people who say I'm wrong, that the only thing that matters is both of you wanting to make it work. That's a lovely thought, but it's not realistic. I'm not talking about long distance relationships, for the record--that is a whole different topic. I'm saying that every other piece of your life contributes to whether or not the time you meet someone is the best time to pursue them. A few years ago I met this guy at a bar who seemed really great...we chatted for a few minutes before he told me he was really sorry and he'd noticed me earlier and I was really cool but he had a girlfriend. That sucked, but I appreciated his honesty and thanked him but I was really bummed. Some time later, a mutual friend asked if I remembered him because he was single again. I was in a relationship. Timing is a factor.

Now for the second part of your question...what if someone comes back in your life. Remember that thing I said about the universe? Well, we're not done with that. I believe the universe rights itself and shitty people will get shitty things later in life. I believe that sometimes the universe puts you in the right place at the right time. And I believe that when people come back into your life, there's some reason. (I know, this reads borderline sentimental. I have a point, though.) 

I'm not saying that if someone comes back into your life the timing is right, though--let me make that clear. You'll probably give it a shot anyway. And then you'll realize my point here--there's some reason. Your journey isn't done or whatever. In my experience, that reason might be to give you an answer to what if? You might go out with them...try a relationship...and whether or not it works at least you'll know. (It probably won't work. Just saying.) Or maybe seeing them again is a lesson. If someone is a dick to you, leaves, and then shows up in your life again, maybe the universe is sending a reminder. Hey remember how that woman made you feel? How shitty she was? Don't let anyone else make you feel that way. You get what I'm saying? People come back because they still have something to teach you, because you have something to teach them, or both. You won't know until it's over. Or you might never know. That's how it goes.

There are a million reasons someone might show up in your life again. So yeah, maybe the timing is right the second time around .Or maybe not. I can't tell you what it means--you'll have to let it play out to get your answer. Just go in with your expectations low and your eyes open. 

**I think it's worth noting that I'm using the term cockblock even if, in fact, neither of you is equipped with such bits. 

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