Thursday, April 17, 2014

Getting an Early Start on Wedding Rants This Year.

With Easter this weekend, stores have been packed full of pastel colored candies. Every year, Twin and I like to browse the aisles deciding what new things we absolutely have to try. We love Easter candy, ok? A few weeks ago we found Russell Stover red velvet cake eggs, which were pretty good. Yesterday we found ourselves in a drugstore we seldom visit, and naturally wandered over to the Easter candy. They had Russell Stover eggs in so many flavors! Twin tried a cookie dough one. (Better to stick with actual cookie dough.) Then I spotted one I didn't recognize. 


NO. No no no no no. Russell Stover, you've gone too far. WEDDING CAKE? This is Easter! Easter isn't about weddings! Easter isn't romantic. THAT'S WHY I LOVE EASTER. Easter isn't about buying diamonds like Christmas or Valentine's Day. You don't need a date for Easter! Easter is about chocolate! (And Jesus? Not the point here, guys.) You can't have Easter too, wedding industry! Leave it alone, couples. Don't you know this is the one holiday where no one judges you when you eat chocolate for breakfast? On Valentine's Day, it's "sad" and "not really a good coping mechanism"--but Easter? You're just getting into the spirit of things on Easter! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME, RUSSELL STOVER? 

So naturally I had to buy one. 

I predict that it will taste like Jordan almonds and loneliness. Either that or white chocolate.  Because honestly, wedding cake isn't even a flavor! I'm no wedding expert but I'm pretty sure you can get your wedding cake in any flavor you want. So what's going to make this wedding cake flavored and not just cake flavored?

What the hell is this?! There isn't a cake topper or a heart anywhere! It didn't start playing the wedding march when I opened it and a bouquet didn't fly out at me! 

It just tastes like white chocolate. I'm so underwhelmed. Oh, hey wait...
is that disappointment I taste? 

Maybe it IS wedding cake flavored! 

How dare you, Russell Stover. And don't think that just because the rest of your chocolate is delicious that I'm forgiving you. Not even these tiny, baby chocolate bunnies will get you out of this one. 
They're the size of  dime and they're delicious. 

NO RUSSELL STOVER. You're not forgiven. You go and think about what you've done. 

(Happy Easter/Passover/weekend!)

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