Thursday, February 13, 2014

A Valentine's Day Truce

A Public Service Announcement, on the eve of Valentine's Day: 

You're happy. You're in a relationship. Fine. I won't stand in your way. (Unless you're trying to make out in front of me in the line at Starbucks. I will probably do my best to make that uncomfortable for you. But I would do that on any day--that behavior is not exclusive to Valentine's Day.) I know you'll instagram the bouquet of flowers that are delivered to your office and you'll make a disgusting status update on facebook to make sure the world knows you're in love. I know. And that's fine. You do you. Yolo or whatever. (But really, please don't make out in front of me. Or anyone. Take that home.) 

But please, please, please--when you encounter someone single tomorrow, don't tell them you're sure they'll find The One. I don't know how many times I've heard that from a couple who was wrapped around each other, about to go have thanks for the generic diamond necklace sex, making me wish for a dragon attack or anything, anything to get me out of the conversation. It's so patronizing. Here's the secret about single people, that maybe you've forgotten since you aren't single anymore: 

We know. We know that we're single. It's not a secret. We've done the bouquet/garter toss at weddings when you pushed us onto the dance floor. We've answered the questions from our relatives. We've dutifully nodded through your suggestions of internet dating, speed dating, and that nice young woman in your apartment building. WE KNOW WE'RE SINGLE. And some of us don't care. Some of us don't want The One. Some of us don't necessarily believe in that, and don't care about it. Some of us just want to hang out with our friends and we're happy that way. Some of us want more than one. Some of us don't want to get any more serious than exchanging snapchat names. But some of us want that.* Some of us are actively out there looking for The One and it hasn't worked. Because it's hard. So when you tell us that our turn is coming, it's really shitty. It is in no way reassuring. 

So let's make a deal, couples. When you're celebrating this weekend, do your thing. But I'm going to do my thing too--and my thing is being alone, disliking this holiday, and waiting for the price of chocolate to be reduced drastically. I'll refrain from making fart noises and loudly discussing STIs** if you keep your PDA at a respectable distance from other people. Think you can manage that? 

*Don't worry, I'm not including myself in that group. Gross.
**Again, unless you're being gross in front of me, or in my way. Then you can expect me to be on the phone asking if someone else has a mysterious rash, too. You've been warned. 

PS--Keep an eye on my facebook and twitter, for a little Valentine treat later today.

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