Tuesday, October 08, 2013

Flirting: A Primer

**UPDATE: In my haste to post this, I FORGOT my most reliable move. Apologies. See bottom of post. 

A few days ago I found myself having to explain the different types of flirting I have in my arsenal. My audience seemed surprised--by what, I am still not entirely sure. That I would have variety in my game? That I have any game at all? (Likely.) That I would see the need for more than one kind of flirting? That I could control which level I'm using? I have no idea, but I explained myself all the same. And naturally decided I should provide some illumination for you all, as well. 

The No. Not flirting. I know, it's obvious. But I had to start the scale somewhere. 

The Fundraiser. I call it this because...well, I am constantly at fundraisers. This is the type of flirting you engage in when it's the nice, polite (and helpful--sorry for telling the truth) thing to do. Like when you're asking people for money. If you've ever been roped into selling 50/50 tickets then you know exactly what I'm talking about. Men ask if you'll deliver the prize to them if they win and you smile and tell them they have to buy a ticket to find out, when really you'd like to gag and make A Face at them. The latter is no way to raise money. This kind of flirting is more about charming people.

The Classic. This is reserved for when you're at a party, a bar, an event, whatever. There's someone cute and you're single. Whereas fundraiser flirting is often done out of obligation, this one is genuine. I'm not trying to get you to buy me a drink (see next item). This one is just for fun. It's not about the outcome. You don't care if they ask you out or get your number. (I prefer if they don't, but that's a personal thing.) This is my favorite. 

The Shrew. I call it this because this is the shit I hate. It's what I call any kind of flirting that is self-serving. It's women who get a man to buy them a drink and then walk away without another glance. It's trying to make someone jealous. It's picking a target to be your prop and not hesitating when you walk away after achieving your goal. This one is not in my repertoire. Ugh. 

The Mission. You absolutely care if they ask you out, take you home, or get your number. You care so much. This is about a goal. This is all your best moves. Yeah, you might fail, but you'll do it spectacularly. This is about making something happen. 

The Ryan Gosling. This is when someone is so attractive that you're flirting with them before you even realize it. You don't have time to think it over or rationalize it or map a plan--they're just that attractive. 

Did I miss any of your moves? 

UPDATE: Yes, I did miss one. One of MY moves. 

**The Traveling Salesman. This one. Ah, this one. This one is the best, as far as I'm concerned. Sure, The Classic is my favorite, because it's no pressure fun. But The Traveling Salesman...that's my most successful. The Traveling Salesman is flirting in any situation where one or both of you are on the move. He's in town on vacation, or maybe you've traveled to a wedding. Whatever the situation, this relationship is not a long term option. Which makes it perfect. As a friend pointed out, there is a built-in exit strategy. You definitely want to make something happen, but you don't care if he asks for your phone number--because you're on a different continent. You'll never have to see him again! Who cares if he calls? 

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