Sunday, September 15, 2013

An Open Letter to Facebook

Dear Facebook,
I am mad at you. You have been, by far, the most annoying part of my breakup. When I changed my relationship status from single to the coveted “In a Relationship” you made a huge deal about it! Large font, big stupid heart next to it. It showed up on every newsfeed around, so they could like it and tell me how happy they were. You announced it to everyone! My sort-of-new relationship was on display for the world. Or at least, the part of the world I allow access to my profile.

But that's where you stop being involved, huh? You're only in it for the praise. None of this "for better or worse" between us, I see. You're happy to throw confetti in the air when I finally announce publicly that I'm dating someone. 

But then, when things get ugly? I have to change myself back to single and where are you? Nowhere. I'm on my own with this announcement, in more ways than one. All those people who clicked like...I have to tell them myself. You can't even find our mutual friends and send them a heads up? Nope. Apparently that's beyond your skill set. Identifying everyone in my pictures? Sure, you can handle that. Creeping my internet history so the ads on my newsfeed hit my interests? Yeah, you can do that. You're basically a stalker I signed up for, facebook. But freaking telling people I'm single again is too hard? Give me a break.

Instead, it falls on me. I'm single again (my natural state) so I'm on my own with this mission. Now every time I catch up with someone I get to have that fun exchange where they ask how my boy is doing and I get to say, "Fine, maybe? I wouldn't know, we haven't spoken in months." 

This is a flawed system. And you're on my shit list, facebook. 
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda

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