Friday, February 08, 2013

A Public Service Announcement

Attention, teenagers of the world! (And also a fair amount of adults, and you will know who you are shortly.)   Take a time out and read this; you'll thank me later. So will your teachers. (FORESHADOWING.)

This issue has been lingering in my mind for around 15 years, and has recently been dragged out again. So it's time. I can no longer sit by idly while you commit such heinous crimes. It's inexcusable and will not do. I feel a responsibility, as your dysfunctional Mary Poppins, your nanny and therapist, to set you on the right path here. You very clearly need me.

Romeo and Juliet is a traditional part of high school curriculum.  (It's classic literature and has the added bonus of being a nice little cautionary tale about the dangers of not listening to your family or thinking plans through to the end.) Even if you never had to read it, it's a story most people are familiar with. If you're not, go google it. Seriously, right now. That's embarrassing.

Let's talk about this, right here.
The balcony scene. A lamenting Juliet, a headstrong Romeo.One of the most famous scenes from Romeo and Juliet and possibly Shakespeare in general. Here, familiarize thyself. (Also, that Romeo is pretty awesome.)

And you're sitting there, asking what I'm babbling about, thinking that you get enough lessons on this in school, and seriously Amanda what the hell?

Wherefore does not mean where. 

Let me repeat that. The word wherefore, as in O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?, does not, not, NOT mean "where." It's not just a longer version of where, like the extra letters in "olde" and "shoppe" when you're at a Renaissance festival. It's a completely different word.

Wherefore means why. When Juliet is by herself, asking "wherefore art thou Romeo," she's not looking for him, not thinking that he's lurking in the garden below. She's a teenage girl, you guys. She just met a cute boy and now she's analyzing the situation. Overthinking it. She's being a teenage girl. Her question is one sent to the universe, asking WHY Romeo is Romeo; why this boy she's smitten with is the same boy she's supposed to hate. Now Romeo, being a teenage boy and doing what they do, which is thinking with his penis, ran to her house and found her window and is trying to figure out the best way to get onto her balcony--take that to mean whatever you like--when he hears her soliloquy.

But Bitter Amanda, how did you stumble upon this brilliant bit of knowledge? Great question.

Now, take THAT to school with you. Your teachers will be mad impressed.

And if I know anything about teenagers, I know that is your number one goal.

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