I'm spending this week subbing in a 5th grade classroom...in my former elementary school. And it is FREAKING ME OUT. The secretary recognized me. I realized that the teacher next door taught me 2nd grade. This morning she came to introduce herself. So I shook her hand and told her my name, waiting to tell her about our history. And that there is no way I will feel comfortable calling her anything but Mrs. Second Grade Teacher. Sorry, but the first name will just feel wrong. Kind of like putting your shirt on backwards in the morning...sure, it'll WORK, but it won't sit right. Before I could figure out how to break the news, though, she recognized me. "Oh my God, Bitter Amanda??" It was a funny, surreal moment. And while I know that I'm an adult now, I think that going into the teacher's lounge unaccompanied is about as far as I'm willing to go--I'll pass on first names! (PS: yes the teacher's lounge is as amazing as it always seemed. A magical land, I tell you.) I'm used to going in them, but there is something so bizarre and satisfying to go in the lounge of your own school. Ladies and gentlemen, I have tasted freedom. And it is delicious.
FOR THE RECORD, if anyone is still questioning my general disdain for men, I'll only point you toward the fellow on that Shot of Love dating show...wearing the very tasteful "vagitarian" shirt. There are hardly words.