Monday, June 11, 2007

An open letter.

Dear American Men,
It is widely known that I have little to no faith in your gender. But I guess you thought it was just men in general. It's a common misconception. Having just returned from 10 days in Ireland, I have something to say.
Wow. It is strictly the ones from this country that consistently disappoint. Sure, men the world over have a lot to learn, but WOW. America, you are way behind. When I spent a year in Ireland, I figured that the men there looked good because I wasn't used to coed college. I gave you the benefit of the doubt. But now I have been back in the real, coed world again for a year. And never did I suspect that 10 days back in Europe would make you look so bad. Oh, but it did. You look totally unappealing. You're completely underwhelming. The level of effort here is just sickening. I'm not saying that every man in Ireland is a winner. I AM saying that at least you feel like they're trying. Even the complete assfaces are a little bit charming, so you don't mind as much. And it's not just the accent, although admittedly that's a part of it. I know that's not your fault. I won't hold it against you.
Let me try to put this in terms you'll understand. Sports! You get sports, right? Let me see...

Ok, guys. It's Ireland v. You. This is the big game. Ireland has already got an edge on you, because they got all the hot cheerleaders. They got them because when the ladies showed up to audition, they were nice. Ireland was polite and gentlemanly and charming and they TRIED. They wore the nice uniforms. Your girls showed up and you grunted at them and they didn't feel any more charmed than the guy who sold you your beer. In fact, they couldn't tell who you cared about more. So Ireland got the good ones, and yours settled.
I am not a sports girl, so I can't give you a lot of metaphors regarding the actual game. But let me put it this way: they are kicking your ass. You are LOSING. I know how much you hate that! But maybe if you step it up you can still do well in this last portion of the game.

I'm not saying that you should walk around trying to impress all the ladies all the time. I know that there are some of us you're just not that into. But what I am saying is that a girl should be able to distinguish when you ARE trying. Make her feel more charmed than the beer guy! I really don't think this is asking too much on behalf of all the ladies out there.
Solitarily yours,

Bitter Amanda


Paul said...

So young. So bitter. So misguided. American men are not that different than European men. The difference is that American guys like to wear deodorant and take a shower everyday. :>)

You just might be hanging out in the wrong places while in the good 'ol United States. If you're looking for a relationship in a bar, then you never know with what you will actually end up. Alcohol can feed delusions of granduer.

One thing to keep in mind is maybe bitterness might be clouding your attitude. I keep hearing about people who are devastated because their significant other has left them. Relationships are like buses. If the one you're riding stops, then have your good cry and then hop on the next one and the next one. Keep going until you find a ride that is going the distance and will take you where you want to go. Life is too short to be unhappy!

Here some cliches for you:

1. You have to break some eggs in order to make a beautiful omlette.

2. You have to kiss many frogs in order to find your prince.

3. Those who settle get set upon...

Cheer up! There is a whole world to be explored and finding the right person to explore it with makes the journey that much more enjoyable!

Amanda said...

Dear Sunshine,
Are you freaking kidding me?
Do you realize that you are SO NOT HELPING the case for American men?
You have no idea where I'm looking for men, or if I'm even looking.
And also, at what point during your tour of my blog did you decide I was the kind of girl who enjoys cliches?
Nobody needs a partner to enjoy life, champ.
Solitarily yours,
Bitter Amanda