Dear American Men,
It is widely known that I have little to no faith in your gender. But I guess you thought it was just men in general. It's a common misconception. Having just returned from 10 days in Ireland, I have something to say.
Wow. It is strictly the ones from this country that consistently disappoint. Sure, men the world over have a lot to learn, but WOW. America, you are way behind. When I spent a year in Ireland, I figured that the men there looked good because I wasn't used to coed college. I gave you the benefit of the doubt. But now I have been back in the real, coed world again for a year. And never did I suspect that 10 days back in Europe would make you look so bad. Oh, but it did. You look totally unappealing. You're completely underwhelming. The level of effort here is just sickening. I'm not saying that every man in Ireland is a winner. I AM saying that at least you feel like they're trying. Even the complete assfaces are a little bit charming, so you don't mind as much. And it's not just the accent, although admittedly that's a part of it. I know that's not your fault. I won't hold it against you.
Let me try to put this in terms you'll understand. Sports! You get sports, right? Let me see...
Ok, guys. It's Ireland v. You. This is the big game. Ireland has already got an edge on you, because they got all the hot cheerleaders. They got them because when the ladies showed up to audition, they were nice. Ireland was polite and gentlemanly and charming and they TRIED. They wore the nice uniforms. Your girls showed up and you grunted at them and they didn't feel any more charmed than the guy who sold you your beer. In fact, they couldn't tell who you cared about more. So Ireland got the good ones, and yours settled.
I am not a sports girl, so I can't give you a lot of metaphors regarding the actual game. But let me put it this way: they are kicking your ass. You are LOSING. I know how much you hate that! But maybe if you step it up you can still do well in this last portion of the game.
I'm not saying that you should walk around trying to impress all the ladies all the time. I know that there are some of us you're just not that into. But what I am saying is that a girl should be able to distinguish when you ARE trying. Make her feel more charmed than the beer guy! I really don't think this is asking too much on behalf of all the ladies out there.