Monday, May 14, 2007

Did you know that it's possible to feel violated by a pop-up ad? Because I didn't think so, but it totally is. Lately, I've been getting ads for all over the place.
[Sidenote: It's not funny, I don't appreciate the gesture. I'm fine being single. Dammit.]
Their ads are just upsetting! Some of them are these little videos, and you think you're looking at a webcam. This (attractive?) guy (who you know is not the kind of guy trolling is "reading" the screen that is supposed to be your imagined profile and laughing at all the appropriate spots. (You know, that spot where you make it obvious that you're serious without being too serious; funny in the witty, smart kind of way.) Then he looks impressed at the appropriate spot. (When you tell potential suitors what you do for a living and what you're looking to do in the future.) Then he laughs some more, and starts to type a message. (Presumably, he's telling you he finds you just the right amount of serious, the best kind of humorous, very intelligent, and by the way sexy pic.)
I guess this ad isn't awful. It's tacky, sure, but it's not disturbing. THAT is another ad entirely. Which popped up the other day, as a matter of fact!
The text says you can use to find local doctors. ('Oh, a doctor!,' you think to yourself. 'How lovely!') This guy (decidedly NOT a real doctor) is dressed in scrubs and a lab coat, holding a stethoscope and clipboard. He looks you up and down--no joke--appraisingly. He likes what he sees and listens to you talk about yourself. He laughs and smiles at you--Doctor Creepy McStalker likes you! Then he approaches. He checks your heart and your reflexes and writes some things on his chart. I'm sure it's something cheesy. Then he stares some more at your chest, before giving you another once-over.
I guess this is supposed to make me want a doctor boyfriend? And it'll lead me to believe I'll find him on their website? In theory, your idea works for me, But in reality, I just felt dirty, as if I was on the wrong side of internet porn.

Bonus: They have others, too! I was just assaulted by the musician/cowboy ad. I couldn't tell. He had a guitar and cowboy hat--it could've gone either way.

EDIT: I just got a NEW one! This guy was a rock star...and you know what? It was the same guy who was in the doctor ad! He stared me up and down (sketch...) before pulling out a guitar pick and playing me what, I'm sure, was a rockin' song. Just for me.
You know what? I don't think that guy is a doctor OR a musician.

No comments: