Sunday, March 11, 2012

Brownie Points

You probably often wonder about my love life. (Don't pretend you don't, that's just sad.) 

Well, it's fabulous. Let me highlight some of the impressive things men around me have done recently. This post could be titled: Tips and Tricks for Winning Bitter Amanda's Heart. 

1. I haven't heard from you in months? Awesome, go ahead and call me at midnight on a Friday because you feel like hanging out! This works best if you've shamelessly flirted with me for months before revealing your girlfriend. 
2. Thanks for buying me drinks at the bar until I was taken home by my friends. Even though I kept ordering water. That's definitely a sign that I want you to stick your hand up the back of my shirt. And then, after I shut that down, please tell me about your wife and children. 
3. Cool. Cool cool cool, I'd love to hear about your new girlfriend and also can you fill me in on the details of doing romantic things for her? Because after all that flirting and dancing and texting we did, THAT is definitely what I want to hear. 
4. SWEET, I love getting shot down and then pointedly ignored. 
5. Really, ex? Another shot at my dating life? Thanks. I hadn't yet realized that it's pretty abysmal. 

LIVING THE DREAM, readers. Living the dream. 

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