Thursday, June 11, 2009

Opera glasses are stumping me.

The other night, after arriving home from cocktails with my sister, I was praising the bartender's gin and tonic abilities. He made a damn fine drink. (Or several. Whatever.) It was at this point that I captured the twin for a long chat. (She was a less-than-willing participant, but listened dutifully.) I began pontificating on the term "beer goggles." A fine term, if you ask me, certainly there is some grain of truth to it, but what of other beverages? Myself that evening, for example, I asked in my gin-soaked state. I wouldn't dare suggest that I was wearing "beer goggles." I hadn't been drinking beer! It just didn't make sense! Then, a proverbial lightbulb went off above my head.

"Amy!" I shouted, though she was quite near and is not hard of hearing. "It's GIN MONOCLE. That's what I'll call it! It makes it seem old-timey and I like the sound of it. Gin goggles sounds strange, and I don't like the way the hard g and soft g go together there. But monocle...that fits."

Twin approved. But what else? Beer goggles is defined on
Urban Dictionary as a "phenomenon in which one's consumption of alcohol makes physically unattractive persons appear beautiful." Alternative definitions suggest that the term does not only pertain to getting laid, but to impaired vision of some sort. Well, Twin decided, it seemed quite natural to suggest that the consumption of rum would give eyepatch. Rum eyepatch.
I shall spare you the details of our conversation, as it was complex and arguments got heated at times. However, allow me to share with you the fruits of our debate.

Tequila would give one x-ray specs.
Whiskey shades seemed appropriate.
Though not terribly common, I was adamant that drinking absinthe ought to lead to absinthe 3D glasses.

There are some things I'm still pondering. But I want your thoughts...think this over and get back to me!


Anonymous said...

Champagne would give you those new year 2009 glasses. And a depth charge would give you a periscope, natch.


Anonymous said...

Wine pince-nez
Brandy bifocals
Cognac catacarts
Moonshine telescope


Amanda said...