Clearly I am a liar, since I left you hanging onto a promise I never fulfilled.
I was shopping in Target when we last spoke, and saw some new kind of chocolate product. Being human and only able to withstand so much temptation, I checked it out. It is called, disgustingly enough, Chocolove. Now, at first I thought that perhaps it was dedicated to the product within. You know, "I love chocolate so damn much I'm going to name this very chocolate AFTER my affection." sort of thing. I might be tempted to do the same thing if I, you know, made chocolate bars. (That would be tragically dangerous.) So I picked it up and was reading about the company. And this guy says he only uses the finest ingredients, etc. It's for the distinguished chocolate fan, I guess. Cool. I'm on board with that.
But THEN, I saw something that made me gasp. I was so distraught I started a rant right there in the aisle of Target, which, apparently for my sister, was embarrassing. So much so that she left me talking to myself...until I bumped into a girl I graduated from high school with and haven't seen since...high school graduation. Great. Awkward situations are my favorite!
What, you may ask, was so horrifying? A little bubble on the wrapper, telling me that the wrapper itself has a love poem on the inside!
WHY GOD WHY?!?
Why must even the chocolate bar, that which is sacred and reserved for the single and alone (with the exception of Valentine's Day, when couples force us to share) be a vessel for words of love?
I understand that I may have overreacted. So I took a minute to look over the website when I got home. Maybe it just said "poem inside." That, I would like. You know, a little culture with my chocolate. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe...
"The package design would resemble a love letter sent from a distant land, and inside each wrapper - a classic romantic poem."
Honestly, chocolate company, why do you hate me? I do not want to open my candy and pretend that I have some boyfriend in a "distant land" who adores me and sends me poems. I want to eat my chocolate. Period. End of story.