Tuesday, November 27, 2012

We can't really be friends...

...if you don't watch TLC. 

I'm not talking about Say Yes to the Dress and What Not to Wear and please please make it stop A Baby Story. No. I'm talking about Trainwreck TLC. The shows on TLC you can't turn away from but you wish you could because you can't unsee the things you see there. The shows that make your life seem pretty great.

Seriously, if you can't think of a totally random group of people, TLC will put them on TV. Guy in love with his car? Give him a show. Non-UK princes coming anonymously to the US looking for love? Yes. Amish kids looking to learn about life in New York City? That exists. Woman who eats nail polish? Tune in at 10. The Duggar family, with their dozens of offspring? We've all watched that, don't lie. Virgin Diaries was the single most uncomfortable thing I've ever seen in my life--and I've seen Shakespeare porn. I watched it 3 or 4 times. ** I was actually really upset that they only made one episode.

Basically what I'm saying is that I have no shame in watching and judging people who are willing to put themselves on TLC. They allowed a film crew to come and witness their makeout sessions and fights and hear their backstory and then put it on TV. 

This weekend was no exception. Three words: Extreme Cougar Wives. THAT HAPPENED. This show wasn't really about married women, but about three older women (in their 50s, 60s, and--yikes--70s, respectively) who date younger men. Men in their 20s. Most of them are younger than me. Two are in relationships--one got pretend hippie married!--and one dates anything with a penis who doesn't remember anything about the 1980s because he was in diapers.

It was worth watching for two reasons. One, the commentary with my good friend B (who should start blogging again), which you should all be jealous you didn't witness. (TLC, we're available. Let me know.) We have the same brain. Two, it's really great for your self esteem. I don't have to sneak out the bedroom window of my 21 year old boyfriend's parents' house. That's not a reality I'm facing. Feeling better about your life already, aren't you? Just don't think about that 900 year old woman having more sex than you. I bet you're having more quality sex with better people. Just don't focus on that part. B and I got stuck on that for a minute, but moved on quickly because that one guy isn't wearing a sweater, that's his hair. Pass, thanks. 

During my first year of college, my roommate and I would go through these fits of inadequacy, lamenting how long until Smith College realized our admission was a fluke. We'd come home and turn on MTV. That year, we watched a lot of Jessica Simpson's Newlyweds nightmare, Real World: Las Vegas, and Jackass. We'd watch those, then look at each other and think...nah, we got this. We're alright. Back to work! 

So tell me, guys...did you watch? Are you going to now? Can we still be friends? Also...TLC, hit me up. We have a lot of ideas. 

**That is to say, I watched Virgin Diaries 3 or 4 times. I only watched the Shakespeare porn once. But those images are forever burned into my brain, so once was plenty.

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