Abandonment issues.

I have been really terrible about updating lately. Life has been...ridiculous. (In the busy way, not the story way. You'd have heard those.)
For the three of you left still checking for updates, I'll get back to writing in about a month. You know how sometimes I leave you for a month to work at summer camp? Yeah, that's happening again. Because my life is actually pretty awesome.
I'll try to live some good stories for you!

Still making friends.

Readers might remember my recent quest to cut down on the junk mail (and paper) in my life. I've been shooting off emails about every catalog and donation request to find its way into my mailbox. I shop online; who needs the catalogs anyway? My sent folder is full of these emails. Including one to the National Wildlife Federation. (Their goal, you see, being to preserve nature and wildlife. A fine goal, admittedly. As previously stated, I love trees. And animals. Etc.) The automated responses always tell me they've removed my address, with the caveat that any mailings in process will still head my way. Ok. I can understand that. But how long does that take? Because I emailed the NWF around 2 months ago. And this weekend, received YET ANOTHER ENVELOPE.

This one was huge; it was the kind of envelope that suggests you've been accepted to a university. After reacting like a mature adult,** I opened it to find a wide variety of dead trees. Letters seeking my financial support, a return envelope, the ubiquitous address labels, and my personal favorite--a calendar. A freaking calendar! Are you kidding me with this, National Wildlife Federation? It's full of pictures of some of the wonders of nature we're all trying to protect. I get the idea...maybe I'm not inclined to donate money but then Wait polar bears?? OMG SO CUTE!!1! I see through your ploy, NWF.

Oh, you want to see the calendar? Ok.

Image by Tom & Pat Leeson
"Just try to cut down my tree and I will eat your face." Fair enough , Florida panther.

Image of Northern Gannett by Arthur Morris/BIRDS AS ART

Sea otter image by Art Wolfe

Bobcat, Image by Jurgen & Christine Sohns/FLPA/Minden Pictures
Bobcats can be so self-centered.

Wow, animals are a lot surlier than I thought. Chill out guys. This kind of attitude might be why some of you are endangered. I'm just saying. Right duck?

Mallard duckling, Image by Tom & Pat Leeson

Exactly.


It's time for another email! Guys, the good news here is that I think summer vacation is coming at a really good time for me...clearly I need MORE free time.



**By "reacting like a mature adult," I clearly mean "yelled a little bit and proceeded to rant, including commentary on every calendar page, which may or may not have led to the above pictures."

Excuse me.

Guys, do babies care what their diapers look like? I mean, is this something we're legitimately concerned with? That we have even thought twice about the style factor of a diaper is such an embarrassingly first-world problem.
Diapers that look like denim? REALLY, world? Really? As if anyone would see that and think, "How fashionable. I wish it was socially acceptable for ME to crap in my jeans. Babies have all the luck!"

Gross.

Thee more minutes?

For the past two hours, we've had some severe weather warnings going on around here. Thunderstorms, tornadoes, and flash floods. Which means the local weathermen jumped to action and covered it--for the entire two hours. Not one commercial break. They just went over and over and over the conditions. The poor guys sounded bored of their own voices. They sighed occasionally. (I cannot make this up.)
For added convenience, after we saw the areas where weather was the worst, a list of cities where the storm was headed was put on screen. Along with times. The time when the worst was supposed to hit.
This Timeline of Terror was hardly helpful, as it just made me sit and stare at the clock! Waiting. Calculating how bad things were and how much worse they could get. What kind of helpful tool is that??
As we're back to our regularly scheduled rerun of House, I think things are ok for now. According to the Timeline of Terror, I should be good for a while. Until the next wave comes through, anyway.

Sleep well, kids.